Friday, October 10, 2008

Halifax and John

This is a two part blog.

Part 1: Halifax (A Brief Overview)

Everyone has a beard (even the women).

There's a lot of great dance parties. "It's not a big party, but it's a good party, it's kind of a dance party." -actual quote

There's a lot of dinner parties, though I refuse to call anything a party where dishes need to be done. More like a dinner with more people than usual. (and attempted witty banter)

I saw many people excitedly take pictures next to a giant anchor. Were they normally landlocked and had never seen one, or were they intrigued by the symbolism?

There's a lot of hills. Hills are like large objects, people are never happy when walking up or carrying them. There's no fairness to hills, they're hard to walk up and annoying to walk down. Escalators eliminate the politics of slope.

I saw a woman wearing camoflage pants peeing in a shrub, it was the best use of camouflage pants I ever saw. Once they come up with camouflage smell pants, there'll be no more need for shrubs.

I've met a lot of art students, none of them seem to like art very much. Is art the new math?

I put newly purchased baby powder in my hair in a Starbucks bathroom, intrigued?


Part 2: John (Jonny)

I don't usually tackle American politics, but my friend John McCain has been taking a lot of heat from the liberal media, so I'd just like to clear a few things up. Remember, we're all his friends, he says so.

When John said 'that one' he was referring to Barack Obama's chair, not the man himself. He just can't point his arm that far down, let's not punish him for that. It wasn't racist or disrespectful, he hates chairs, they make him sore.

When John addressed everyone as his fellow prisoners it wasn't a terrifying Orwellesque slip, it was a compliment. John has been venerated for being a prisoner, it's the only compliment he knows. Now you wanna get all over the man's jock for a little bit of flattery? I guess chivalry really is dead. If he ever calls you a crazy old man, you're really in his good books.

Look, I think what I'm really trying to say here is that Barack Obama is a terrorist. Let me tell you a sobering story; I once ate an Obama cupcake and it was delicious, but have you any idea what those kinds of refined sugars might do to me in the long term? Let's get real. Vote McCain.

4 comments:

Sombre Reptiles said...

yeah wuts up with McCain's arms??? they are so strange

Sugarduk said...

O you are an absolute maverick! This is by far the most insightful essay I have read about JMac. And I laughed so hard I fell off my chair which is a good thing because I also hate chairs.

As for Halifax: my fave observation (aside from the camopants, of course) is the one about dishes and parties - so true. Chairs also, where there are chairs there is not a party. Vote McCain - his party will vote against chairs (and parties).

twiggy said...

why do i bother.

marie said...

Aaron told me to check this post out - he said it was the best yet. And I agree.