Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Draw Joke

Death Of A Sailsman.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Halloween Joke Book

Hi everyone.

For those of you who don't know, I've spent the last two months writing my very own Halloween joke book. This past Saturday, October the thirtieth, I sent it in to the publishing company, right on time for Halloween of course, and it was rejected.
They gave me the usual BS. They said it was way too short, not enough jokes, and that the jokes weren't "punchy enough" or some of them weren't "really jokes". "Too many footnotes for a joke book" they said. Well now it's my turn to talk.
All I wanted to do was share my own brand of Halloween humour, and I'm not about to let any book publishing corporate fat cat stop me. So, instead of shopping this around and getting the money I deserve, I present to you here, in it's entirety, my Halloween joke book.

Why do vampires always check their hair on Skype (or other video chat programs)?

Because they can't see themselves in the mirror.

Speaking of vampires, I heard they need to stay away from garlic. Do you know where they should not go?

Italian restaurants.

Why did the luddite not want to dress up like a spider for Halloween?

He didn't like being on the web.

Do you want to hear a witch joke?

Ok, which joke?

Why does Marilyn Manson hate Halloween?

He can never tell if he's met a true beauty, or if they're just faking looking gross and weird.

Why are pirate werewolves so cautious?

Because they be werewolves. ((be - were (ware)wolves.) (beware wolves))

Who was the kid mummy's favourite rapper?

His mummy.*

His mummy, or mother, dresses him in the morning by (w)rapping him thus making her a (w)rapper or wrapper.**

**Author (or "jokester") pleads poetic license on dropping of 'w'.

Who was Sigmund Freud's favourite Ghostbuster?


(Please ignore holes in timeline and prenounciation.)

Pictured above, the beautiful people? Uhhhh, yeah, right.