Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Sleep is the cousin of death.
Being awake is the cousin of life.
Being awake is life.
Life is it's own cousin.

therefore Existence is inbred.

They say geniuses pick green
All Nosepickers pick green

therefore All nosepickers are geniuses.
(Until they pick too far, thus picking red.)

Only way I'm interested in your dream: It's about me.
"You were you but you weren't you.": only sort of about me.
Amount dream must be about me: More than sort of.

therefore I don't care about your dream.

The Japanese are very efficient.
Computers are very efficient.

therefore Yuppies eating computer food, dying. World peace achieved. Feist record sales drop.

Vegetarians love animals so they don't eat them.
Vegetarians love vegetables so they eat them.
Vegetarians are confused about love.

therefore Vegetarians' children live in constant fear.
(Attempt to stay away from lentils.)

Portuguese prime minister Jose Socrates is a mortal man

Thursday, April 2, 2009

F. Scott Fitzgerald

As anyone who reads this blog knows I have something of a penchant for correspondence. Recently, I've been reading the collected letters of F. Scott Fitzgerald.  The letters of this great American master range from heartbreaking realizations to his former love Zelda, to talking shop with Ernest Hemingway. There were a few letters however that I found a little odd. Here they are.

1403 North Laurel Avenue
Hollywood, California
August 24, 1940

Dear Candy Store,
How many times must I tell you to leave out the yellow jube jubes from the jube jube bin? Have you any idea who I am? 

F. Scott Fitzgerald

1307 Park Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
May 11, 1935

Dear Friend
Have I made a terrible mistake by going by F.? It's just struck me that it's not so much a name but a letter. Whilst travelling easterly by air, I was going through the alphabet and realized that most men have chosen as many as six or seven of these letters arranged in different interesting ways. 

F? Scott Fitzgerald

14 Rue de Tilsett
Paris, France
August 13, 1925

Dear Reviewer, 
In your review of my book, you quipped that The Great Gatsby, should merely have been called The Good Gatsby. I am writing to inform you that I have changed the title of the book to The Much Greater and Better than you, the reviewer to whom I'm writing this letter, Gatsby. Be warned I am not bluffing. My appetite for revenge burns deep within me (copyright).

F. Scott Fitzgerald

5521 Amestoy Avenue
Encino, California
April 11, 1940

Dear Editor, 
I feel not like writing anymore. Do you think anyone would mind terribly if we adapted the Archie comics in to a novel?  Do you reckon this Jughead fellow could pass as a Yale man? 

F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Garden of Allah Hotel
Hollywood, California
February 22, 1938

Dear future president Harry S. Truman, 
Good sir, I have great respect for your name, but might you consider changing it slightly to S. Harry Truman? This I believe will be much more becoming; however, you must always be sure to utilize the period after the S or else I'm afraid your name may resemble that of a ladies, a price this country can ill afford.

F. Scott Fitzgerald