tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86436086950449311892024-03-18T19:56:23.343-07:00Tom Henryhis blogtom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-78293547325720707722012-01-08T13:58:00.000-08:002012-01-09T15:46:08.455-08:00Haikus<div><br /></div><div>He swims, I hang on </div><div>my saviour in this great flood</div><div>pony-tailed man</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Do they open more?</div><div>I want to gaze into them</div><div>Renee Zellweger</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>White people with dreads,</div><div>finding whole circles of friends</div><div>who somehow like them</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Only have one left</div><div>my old one's under the desk</div><div>how bad you want gum?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>A rainbow is red</div><div>a rainbow is orange, green</div><div>and other colours</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Four months, can't sleep, eat.</div><div>Each day melts into the next</div><div>come back Entourage</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Jose? Is that you?</div><div>No, I'm Jose, not Jose. </div><div>The j sounds like h</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Heath Ledger, Dark Knight!</div><div>Thank you for this award, but-</div><div>it's useless to me</div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-82183351907060959212011-09-12T13:43:00.000-07:002011-09-19T08:27:07.788-07:00Pitt/Clooney<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>This past week was the Toronto International Film Festival. As my hometown was abuzz with the bright stars of modern Hollywood, I was shocked to see movie actor, Brad Pitt, coming out of my local internet cafe. It seems that Brad had been using my usual computer station, and like the star he is, had even left me seventeen minutes. It seems he also had forgotten to log out of his gmail. The following is a disturbing reminder that celebrities aren't always the superior beings we all hope for. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><br /></span></div><div>Tue, Sep 6, 2011, 10:46 AM</div><div><br /></div><div>Hey Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>George Clooney here. Heard we'd both be in Toronto this weekend. Was wondering if you wanted to meet up and see which one of us is more famous. </div><div>I'm thinking we'll go eat dinner on a patio somewhere, and see which of our names gets screamed more. </div><div>What do you think pal? </div><div><br /></div><div>Love,</div><div><br /></div><div>George </div><div><br /></div><div>ps. Remember when we were in Oceans 11? That was fun. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Wed, Sep 7, 2011, 8:50 AM</div><div><br /></div><div>George, </div><div><br /></div><div>Great to hear from you. I loved your latest movie. To be honest, I'm on a bit of a not caring about fame that much kick these days, so I'm not so sure about the patio idea. What we could do is eat inside the restaurant and see how many people are trying to see us from the outside. We'll have to monitor the direction of their gaze to see who they're more interested in seeing. I do remember Oceans, that party you threw on a boat once was great. </div><div><br /></div><div>Sincerely, </div><div><br /></div><div>Brad</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Wed, Sep 7, 2011, 8:57 AM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>There's a fundamental flaw with your plan which is this, some people have problems with their eyes. </div><div>I can tell you this because I actually tried this with Jude Law once. He goes. "Look at that woman ogling me out there" And I look and sure enough, she is, and I'm going, this doesn't make any G.D. sense, Jude Law is A list, and I'm A++ list. So I go out and ask her, "Were you just ogling Jude Law?" And she goes, "No, of course I was ogling you, I have a lazy eye."</div><div>And to think I actually could have lost that one to effing Jude Law!</div><div>I do throw the BEST boat parties. </div><div><br /></div><div>George</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Wed, Sep 7, 2011, 7:02 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>Hey George, </div><div><br /></div><div>I am so sick of Jude Law trying to be one of us. I understand the eye thing, so how's this? We hire an eye doctor to just do a general assesment of everyone in the crowd's eye health. If someone's eyes are not up to snuff then we get the eye doctor to ask them who they like better, me or you. </div><div><br /></div><div>I hope we can work this out, it would be great to see you. </div><div><br /></div><div>Brad. </div><div><br /></div><div>p.s. What does G.D. mean? </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Wed, Sep 7, 2011, 9:41 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>If we're gonna spend our money on hiring the eye doctor anyway, why don't we just get him to ask everybody who they're there to see? At the same time he can also do vision assesments, because, not to be harsh, but if you're blind you shouldn't really get a vote anyway, because you don't even know what we look like, and we're not goddamn voice actors. </div><div>So, I'll look up a Toronto eye doctor and we'll sort it all out. </div><div>G.D. is goddamn, which I guess is actually just one word? But I heard someone say G.D. and I thought it sounded cool. Sorry for the confusion, I wrote it out this time, up there, before I said voice actors.</div><div><br /></div><div>love,</div><div><br /></div><div>G.C. (haha!) </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2011, 8:45 AM</div><div><br /></div><div>George, </div><div><br /></div><div>You raise an interesting point. What we are all about is not just our voice but also our looks and the way we move around and everything, but also our voices. So, we should also get someone to disqualify deaf people, because they also don't have the whole picture. So, you find an eye doctor and I'm gonna find an ear doctor. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8. 11:09 AM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>I can see what you're doing. You thought I was gonna get an eye doctor who was going to cheat for me, and so you want to find an ear doctor that'll cheat for you. Come on man, you know me better than that, after all the things I've done for you. Remember when I got those two Italian girls to kiss you on each cheek, so you could have that awesome picture taken on my boat? </div><div>You obviously don't even need an ear doctor to tell if someone's deaf. You just need someone to say hello to people from behind. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 12:02 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>George, </div><div><br /></div><div>Obviously, there's going to be too much commotion for someone to just be saying hello from behind. You think I didn't think of that? That's why we need an ear doctor. I never suspected you of getting a corrupt eye doctor, but now I'm thinking twice. Honestly, think I might just stay in with my wife that night, maybe you've heard of her, Angelina Jolie. Maybe she could have a fame off with one of your gameshow contestant girlfriends. </div><div><br /></div><div>Brad </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2011, 12:54 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>Ooooh, ouch. Forgot you married the lady from that crap movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. What other crap actor was in that movie? Oh yeah, you. Guess which crap actors aren't invited to my boat anymore? You and Angelina Jolie. </div><div><br /></div><div>Shut up, </div><div><br /></div><div>George. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2:29 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>George, </div><div><br /></div><div>Hmm, okay, get insulted by some doctor from ER today - check. You know what they should have called Up In The Air? Up Is Grey Hair. </div><div>When I say up, I mean, up on your head. I thought of that a while ago, and didn't tell you. </div><div><br /></div><div>Get screwed, </div><div><br /></div><div>Brad</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2011, 3:11 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>Wow, who do you think you're talking to here, Ryan Reynolds? I have already threatened no more boat parties, and I mean it. I only did one insult, and you did three, you need to chill out. </div><div><br /></div><div>George</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2011, 6:00 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>George, </div><div><br /></div><div>Actually you insulted me and my wife, so that's two, except you also insulted our movie, so that's three. Also, it was the movie we fell in love on, so that's an extra dis. That means we're not even yet. So I will say this, the reason Renee Zellwegger squints so much is because she was in a movie with you and you're too ugly to look at without squinting.</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2011, 9:46 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad, </div><div><br /></div><div>That's honestly the dumbest dis. Because 1. Renee Zelwegger squinted way before our movie, Leatherheads, and 2. Everyone knows I'm not ugly. That doesn't even offend me, because obviously I'm not ugly. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thu, Sep 8, 2011, 11:47 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>George,</div><div><br /></div><div>If she always squinted so much, maybe you should have called your precious little eye doctor. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Fri, Sep 9, 2011, 11:42 AM</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, that one's actually pretty funny, man.</div><div><br /></div><div>George Clooney</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Fri, Sep 9, 2011, 2:20 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>George, </div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks. So listen, you get the ear doctor and I'll get the eye doctor, and I'll see you at Sassafraz at eight. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Fri, Sep 9, 2011, 3:01 PM</div><div><br /></div><div>Brad,</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay. Are you sure I shouldn't pick the eye doctor? Haha. Just kidding. Seeya then. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD507oHMSLv-yqkjFC717LeDMP1PTNUnt5P7j9wfUdCah-DMwkvmoQWQqUW_2JLKxXCMX_A0gQw2vZLcBynpz1LlelvkhCu2CcDIumLMjLYAtv50sJR4AjlvlBJ0wuPQVaOamZvm2g4E0/s400/Pitt.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5653747381006389474" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 276px; height: 400px; " /></span></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-17679404569664298342011-09-01T20:37:00.000-07:002011-09-03T10:09:27.228-07:00Interview: Russell Crowe<div style="text-align: center;">At some point in every journalist's life, comes the nightmare interview. The following was mine.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>******</div><div><div><div>
<br /></div><div>It was 10:35 a.m. on a shiny Tuesday morning as I got off the plane, destination - the Land Down Under, which is a restaurant in Los Angeles, set trendily beneath a hobo bridge. I was there to meet local bad boy and film actor Russell Crowe. When I arrived at TLDU as it's known by first-letter-loving L.A. types, I spotted the enigmatic Aussie. Known as one of the most prickly celebrity actors of his generation, it was once said that he was as prickly as one of the cacti that I think grow in the place where he's from, Australia. That was said by me, to the guy sitting next to me on the plane, while I was thinking of things to write about this. As he smiled and waved, I knew I was in for what was to be the most difficult interview of my career. <div>
<br /></div><div>
<br /></div><div>Tom Henry: Hi, Mr. Crowe, I'm Tom Henry. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Russell Crowe: Hi mate. How was your flight? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: What flight? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Oh, I'm sorry, did you not take a flight out here? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Oh, the flight here? Yeah, it was okay.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Should we get this thing started? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Okay man, jeez, relax. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Or we could eat first if you like. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: No, no. Go ahead, what do you want to talk about? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Do you have questions, or...? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Oh right, forgot who I was dealing with here. Sure... what's your favourite colour? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: I'd probably say blue. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Wonderful! That's front page material for sure buddy. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Would green work better? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Can we just move on to the next question, please? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Sure thing. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: How would you respond to some of your critics who say, your existence really doesn't matter much? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Which critics said that? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I read it. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: In what? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: My diary. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Well, I suppose that's fair. I mean, I'm an actor. I try to entertain people, but ultimately, a doctor is a much more important person than I am. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: You mean a snail doctor? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: What's a snail doctor? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: An example of someone much more important than you. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Is it a real thing?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I hope so, someone has to fix that snail guy who delivers letters so slowly.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: What? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: The snail male. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: ...</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: You make music too, right? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Oh yeah mate, I'd love to talk about that a bit. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: How many encores have you not been asked to do? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Hmm, I'm not sure how I would quantify that. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Just take the total amount of shows you've ever played, then subtract zero. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: It's great just to get up there and make something with your mates. It's very therapeutic for me.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I've actually heard your music reffered to as therapeutic before. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: That's great, if it helps people, that's all I could ever ask for. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Electroshock therapeutic. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Oh.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I rented a few of your movies the other night, in preparation.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Great.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I have my own name for A Beautiful Mind, would you like to hear it? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Sure.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: A Beautiful Kind - of DVD player, would be one that wasn't able to play this movie. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I also watched Cinderella Man. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: I'm proud of that film. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I was kind of tired because I didn't start watching it until about 11:45 pm. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: That's a bit late, mate. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: I was hoping by midnight, you'd turn into a pumpkin, and I could just enjoy Renee Zellweger and Paul Giamatti. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Well, they're great actors. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Are you upset that The Wrestler took the same basic premise as The Gladiator? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: It's just called Gladiator, I don't think those two movies are very similar. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Are you upset that Mickey Rourke is a bit better looking than you? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: I don't really think about that kind of thing. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Are you upset that Mickey Rourke is also a bit better looking than an old rotten log?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: I dunno mate. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: An old rotten log with ants crawling on it? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Have I done something to agitate you? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Why? What are you gonna do, call Wrigley Scott? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Ridley. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Excuse me?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: His name is Ridley</div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: You just want to disagree with everything I say. I was warned about you. I don't need this. This interview's over. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: I'm sorry it didn't work out mate. Would you like my last shrimp? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Sure, let me go throw it on the barbo. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>RC: Did you mean to say barbie? </div><div>
<br /></div><div>TH: Yeah, I'm gonna put the shrimp on a doll, like a little shrimp doll belt. You can't treat people like this, man. TTYN. </div><div>
<br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWaWfI-fEJs_3pdDg1FFp4wuBDylob548_llLlOkf_V6jpM84yIesnM1lGpO5n-n3sxTvvXzlWFRrcNsZwRm_tLsA8-THgkYms10cjzPP_PttAjybbp-wojmM4_U_U6wh_fCpdAWZrI7Y/s400/sept+3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5648179833773542210" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 338px; height: 400px; " /></span></div></div></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; ">
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<br /></span></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-44725438271944865892011-05-18T12:59:00.000-07:002011-05-23T11:59:24.890-07:00Hollywood Insider SecretsHi everyone, <div><br /></div><div>I've been reading this book called Hollywood Insider Secrets, and I thought I'd share with you what I thought are some of the most interesting tidbits. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Brad Pitt didn't get famous from acting talent or good looks. A producer actually spotted him riding his bike with no hands. It turns out, it actually was as impressive as he thought it was.</div><div><br /></div><div>Similarily, Tobey Maguire was not recruited for acting talent or looks, he was spotted on the subway, drumming on his lap along to his iPod.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Many have heard about a yet to be discovered Quentin Tarantino famously throwing his first script over Harvey Keitel's fence. What most people don't know is what that actual script looked like:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK3C9sOIDzUQXHffykCfSBZ8YTVY1twTJFnpXc4zQ2MpT1LsCE3daPmtm54aI3nPUzqAk8PAN25vDkB9kjRkn0FP2mguuuHMnUjuiLhBigkiYoj25B8jdyNIHoSwZeqLE5-QKSkxUJP34/s1600/tom.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK3C9sOIDzUQXHffykCfSBZ8YTVY1twTJFnpXc4zQ2MpT1LsCE3daPmtm54aI3nPUzqAk8PAN25vDkB9kjRkn0FP2mguuuHMnUjuiLhBigkiYoj25B8jdyNIHoSwZeqLE5-QKSkxUJP34/s400/tom.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5609988081328276562" style="cursor: pointer; width: 328px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg146gupBaBL_5EKxVD3y8a8H0251WXhPYXpOUWlY5_6EOj2IgbNDG4RSQw2T1A0IN859oTilMpJQbCmjmwHItfVSe2i4W2AAQf3y23p0Cc5du7G2i-ypZIWmVCiK4cDt6xsZY757A_o8w/s1600/tom.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a>Jerry Seinfeld never would have appeared on the Tonight Show if he hadn't checked his spam email.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Significant and irrevocable damage will be done to the space time continuum if Daniel Day Lewis ever takes a part as an Irish method actor. </div><div><br /></div><div>Actor Breckin Meyer (of Garfield fame) has been given all of his roles by accident, and then no one wanted to tell him. </div><div><br /></div><div>George Lucas' original title for Star Wars was, "In This Space Place A Lot Of Things Happen."</div><div><br /></div><div>Ron Howard thinks that Tom Hanks is his best friend, but he's not Tom Hanks' best friend, and Tom Hanks thinks that Ron Howard is his best friend but he's not Ron Howard's best friend. They are best friends. </div><div><br /></div><div>The original plan of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilderberg_Group">Bilderberg Group</a> was for Maury Povich to be more powerful than Oprah Winfrey. Alas, on the day of his first show he got a lot of burrs stuck on him and was forced to pull out. Those who possess the truth still heed the word of Povich. </div><div><br /></div><div><div>In a startling number of films that feature Elijah Wood, Mr. Wood is being stood in for by a squirrel standing on top of another squirrel.</div><div><br /></div><div>Tim Burton pitches every movie the same way, like this: "You're gonna have to bear with me here guys, this one's a little kookie. But I think you're gonna like it, we're giving Johnny Depp a really interesting haircut."</div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz3ALosgtCDzYR8pzFMdBZ5n4RGp8Y8TXE5w4ihag5Scym88AznsBRUbr_yIR8vlTOA883SFuDrnR1ZhFhAraNgxt90bAIV5BKGaiR68bCDdWldXDrjXK32oLHdOrOfeE64lZNtuDmdiE/s1600/Photo+465.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz3ALosgtCDzYR8pzFMdBZ5n4RGp8Y8TXE5w4ihag5Scym88AznsBRUbr_yIR8vlTOA883SFuDrnR1ZhFhAraNgxt90bAIV5BKGaiR68bCDdWldXDrjXK32oLHdOrOfeE64lZNtuDmdiE/s400/Photo+465.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5608497050424285314" style="cursor: pointer; width: 329px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>"You can't pass."</div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-59084414988017726402011-04-22T15:03:00.000-07:002011-04-22T15:17:45.811-07:00Masterpiece (Sarcastic)Hi everyone, <div><br /></div><div>This is my newest movie (film). </div><div><br /></div><div><br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="400" height="255" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8pzPgEuLGbc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Love, </div><div><br /></div><div>tom d.</div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-46140209617471013462011-04-04T11:59:00.000-07:002011-05-23T12:06:29.843-07:00Interview: Sofia Coppola<div>This winter I had the oppourtunity to sit down with one of the best filmmakers, Sofia Coppola. Her new movie, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvSspY7WU10">Somewhere</a> is in theaters now. It stars Dakota Fanning's sister and <a href="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/126/11143353.jpg">Andrew Dorff</a>'s brother. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Tom Henry: Hi Sofia, it's a pleasure.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sofia Coppola: What? Sorry, what's going on?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I'm here to interview you.</div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Oh right, ok, everyone's always pulling me in so many directions. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: That must be hard. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: It is, that's why I do what I do for people. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: What's that? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: You know, I make films about the hardships of being an average American trying to get through this life. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Oh, I thought you made movies about sort of priveledged people? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: What are you kidding me? My films are about everyone. Everybody has to wake up in the morning, wash their face, and then go to this junket and that junket, answer this question, answer that question, oh my daughter loves you, oh, you inspire me. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: That doesn't happen to everyone. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: I guess if you want to argue semantics, there are tribes somewhere in Samoa where they don't have to sign as many autographs.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I feel like you're a bit out of touch from the way things really are. Perhaps you grew up in a bit of a bubble?</div><div><br /></div><div>SC: A bubble? You have to be joking. I get out there all the time, meet people from all walks of life. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I apologize, I may have leapt to judgement. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: You did, like just the other day I met this guy Brad, just like you or me, being followed around by paparazzi and having to smile at people who like him and all that. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Brad Pitt? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Oh, you know him? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: He's a movie star.</div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Of course he is, everyone's a movie star. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: No.</div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Oh, you're silly, of course everyone is born, they hang out for a while, then be in Godfather 3 and then they make movies or become a Sean Penn or something. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: If everyone's famous then who are all those people you said you have to sign autographs and answer questions for? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: I think it's kind of like The Matrix? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH:...</div><div><br /></div><div>SC: ...or Inception? Like a dream where angry parts of your subconcious are playing unfamouses.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I don't understand, who fixes your toilet if it breaks then? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: That guy who played Joey on Friends. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Ok, bad example but how do you think a society can run if everyone is a rich actor? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Easy, everyone makes movies all day, then in the night they feel isolated in a famous way, so they all go to each other's movies to escape. Or, for another example, they have to go on a trip, and so John Travolta flies them there, so John Travolta gets money that day. Then John Travolta pays that money back to get into a movie. It's simple economics, man. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Who farms our food? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Kevin Costner I guess, baseball and food. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: He farms baseball? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Baseball doesn't just grow itself. You must be really spoiled. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Let's talk about something else. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Ok, what? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Are you friends with The Strokes? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Everyone's friends with The Strokes.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: That's not possible. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: My next movie actually is about being friends with The Strokes. It's called Friends With The Strokes, and it's scored by me telling The Strokes to play their songs different. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: What happens in the movie? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: It's about either a normal guy or girl, who leans on the windows of vehicles a lot and then has fun but is sad. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Doesn't sound really fleshed out. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Oh really, then why would one of the biggest filmmakers of all time be on board to produce it? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Is it Francis Ford Coppola? </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Is what Francis Ford Coppola? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Nevermind. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Anyway, it's the first installment of my trilogy that I'm calling The Blue Collar Average Joe Trilogy, it consists of; Friends With The Strokes, Harrison Ford Was A Fun Babysitter, Right Everyone? and We All Can Relate To Eighteenth Century French Royalty. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I have to go. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Go be in a movie? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: No. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: Go talk on the phone to someone who doesn't understand that you're lonely? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: No. </div><div><br /></div><div>SC: You're a weird guy.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLi7F-o3H98PEwbz-WL6x9NYbCyWdTbilIZSSBGF5JyxJ4f7DV2b9Ocmiu9TEwNuQQbXWlvvt8F5yHbHS2wUYNnaLuNVEaf5eI6pHnmUym0QHpsRqlp0uFG_lNUxkHE7JYmA9L-U-AFNs/s1600/tom1.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLi7F-o3H98PEwbz-WL6x9NYbCyWdTbilIZSSBGF5JyxJ4f7DV2b9Ocmiu9TEwNuQQbXWlvvt8F5yHbHS2wUYNnaLuNVEaf5eI6pHnmUym0QHpsRqlp0uFG_lNUxkHE7JYmA9L-U-AFNs/s400/tom1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5609989898179329570" style="cursor: pointer; width: 332px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-57140800722214086102011-01-12T11:38:00.000-08:002011-01-12T13:59:12.473-08:00A Letter To Ebert<div>Dear Mr. Ebert,</div><div><br /></div><div>As Oscar season approaches, I realize the workload of a professional film critic can be daunting. This is why I'm prepared to offer you my services, I being an aspiring/professional film critic (references available upon formal request*)</div><div>Should you choose to compensate me, that would be fine, my going rates usually have something to do with fifty dollars. Otherwise, I'll be happy with the exposure, so long as I get a byline on all reviews. </div><div>In the unlikely event you choose not to use any of my writing, well, I would hate to think of you having new competition in the movie watching and reviewing circuit. </div><div>Here is a sample of what you could enjoy a fresh piece of: </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-Black Swan-</div><div><br /></div><div>"Natalie Portman? More like Natalie Portal(wo)man, because it's as if she has a magical acting portal, and she's a woman." </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"The film features spectacular turns by Mila, Me-la-ikey, Kunis, and Win-osca-owna (she should win and own an Oscar) Ryder. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Black Swan is in the black! (if it were finance related).</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-True Grit-</div><div><br /></div><div>"True Grit - True, great!"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Don'T RUE not seeing (true) GRIT!"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Jeff Bridges is definitely the best famous Jeff and the best famous Bridges! (Beats Goldblum, Daniels, Golden Gate, Brooklyn, Jeff Bridges' brother)."</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"London bridge might be falling down, but Jeff Bridges is not falling down!"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-The King's Speech-</div><div><br /></div><div>"I don't feel bad for that guy who had a speech impedement, because ultimately he got Colin Firth to play him so good!"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"You won't be able to stop speeching about The King's Speech!"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-Toy Story 3-</div><div><br /></div><div>"Tim (Allen) and Tom (Hanks) have done it again! It's clear that 'T' and 'M' stand for 'Talented' and 'Man' no matter what lousy vowel gets between them, because these guys are talented, man! or talented men, "M" could stand for "men" as well." </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Toy Story 3 was almost worth being reminded that Tim Allen still makes more money than us, and gets to hang out with Tom Hanks." </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-The Social Network- </div><div><br /></div><div>"I will never put my <i>face </i>in a<i> book </i>again, as long as <i>this</i> movie exists, and other movies I like exist." </div><div><br /></div><div>"Jesse Eisenberg plays cold so perfectly it makes me think, "Yes, he ice n' berg"."</div><div><br /></div><div>"It's not complicated, The Social Network's friend request has been approved! It's status is, "I'm great." and you've been tagged - in a picture of you watching this movie and loving it! Also, share a link, messages, event invite!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-The Fighter-</div><div><br /></div><div>"Sensational!" </div><div><br /></div><div>"Powerhouse peformances from the actors!" </div><div><br /></div><div>"I didn't see this film!" </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thankyou for your time, Ebert, I look forward to working with you. </div><div>As us movie critics like to say, we are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at movie stars, on a movie screen and taking notes.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Best, </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>tom (d) henry</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>*Official formal request procedure will need to be ascertained before formal request can be submitted.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuWais2qaQJj_dFmr9_KHbATHInqUBJp2_R1kPDiUogFAdZK-9_T775j9TOAdycv3ubtGf2QTO8IOMC8dbRIS47AbzVLXRRHcz6c0fs_zpSia4lDYKVuqdn5gL41WtVeKSvA9Mfi6BSPQ/s1600/TDH_0001.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuWais2qaQJj_dFmr9_KHbATHInqUBJp2_R1kPDiUogFAdZK-9_T775j9TOAdycv3ubtGf2QTO8IOMC8dbRIS47AbzVLXRRHcz6c0fs_zpSia4lDYKVuqdn5gL41WtVeKSvA9Mfi6BSPQ/s400/TDH_0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561416643282971010" style="cursor: pointer; width: 245px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div> </div><div> Are you talking to me?</div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-9051870703902706632011-01-03T20:48:00.001-08:002011-01-04T13:18:46.488-08:00On Being Cool, Interview: Clint Eastwood<div>Clint Eastwood came to see me recently, and conduct(ed?) this interview for some magazine, I guess.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>In the midst of shooting my latest movie which is about Matt Damon being a psychic, I was offered a rare opportunity to visit with Tom Henry in his Culver City offices. Of course, I did not pass it up. I told Matt Damon to go learn more about acting like a psychic in order to halt production for the day, then headed over to meet the man. <div><br /></div><div>Clint Eastwood: Mr. Henry, I've been waiting to meet you for some time. </div><div><br /></div><div>Tom Henry: Thankyou. I've heard of you too. "Go on and make my day, pal." right?</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Yeah.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Before you came in, my assistant told me you're a legend. </div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Well, I don't sit around and tell people what things are on maps all day.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: What? </div><div><br /></div><div>CE: It was a joke.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Oh. How? </div><div><br /></div><div>CE: I pretended you were referring the other kind of legend, like for a map.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Rand McNally?</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: What? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Rand Mcnally, legend of maps.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: I'd like to talk to you about being cool, something I've been called a lot.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Were you feeling cold, due to your immense age, when someone called you that?</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: No, but you're a very sharp and funny guy.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Thanks, for you to say that to me, and not for me to pretend that someone is saying it to me, will boost my confidence a lot.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: What is being cool? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Some people think that striking a match on their teeth is cool, but to me, it just means you have very rough teeth.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Speaking of matches, are cigarettes cool? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I would feel it irresponsible of me to say that cigarettes are cool, but I will say, to exhale cigarette smoke looks very cool, also cigarette flicks, taking a cigarette out of it's pack, that little tap people do before they open a pack, inhaling cigarette smoke, getting out of one's chair and you know it's because they're going to smoke, the way cigarettes look between two elongated fingers, etc...</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Ok.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: One more thing, when someone lights two cigarettes in their mouth and then gives one to a woman, also, when men and women smoke together. </div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Is drinking alcohol cool? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: As long as it doesn't make you tell stories about other times you drank alcohol.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Can you be born cool?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I dunno, can you be born with a very original hat on? Probably not.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: So are hats a big part of it? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Absolutely, if you can put on a hat that not too many other people are taking advantage of, like a bowler, and then pretend to not be completely self concious about the fact that your whole night revolves around a unique hat choice, you're ahead of the game.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Is it cool to be kind? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I think the unexpected is cool. So if you're famous or rich, be kind. If you're poor and obviously not famous, i.e. Bob Cratchit, try being mean. If you're a jock, try being sensitive, and if you're a poet, try not to drown in self-importance and possibly self-vomit.</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Is irony cool? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Tell me if you've ever had someone agree to marry you to be ironic, then ask me if irony is cool. </div><div><br /></div><div>CE: Does that happen? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Have you ever fallen in love with a Nicholas Cage fan?</div><div><br /></div><div>CE: No. Is being in a band cool? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: If every band had a double-necked guitar player, I'd be able to tell you there's at least one cool guy in every band. </div><div><br /></div><div><div>CE: Is being tough cool? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Yes, I think that Ghandi could have remained peaceful, but if he at least went around punching walls he could have done a better job.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>CE: What would be a cool way for me to end this interview? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Anything to do with fire, I guess. Do you have a lighter? </div><div><br /></div><div>CE: No. How about if we hug?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Whatever man.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJTADqPQ-Xbb9WpqKbtrb4-yzAAVNz7jYtQYTkOd0mY0119TtFLz9C8P_s16fYTkHKfQjDL61SWCTlDXoiaRjdtIq09GJ35HEvo9FRXNvu9S77W_DQJIKupLhyphenhypheneNYqgsO7v5gozxe09q8/s1600/Clint+cu.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJTADqPQ-Xbb9WpqKbtrb4-yzAAVNz7jYtQYTkOd0mY0119TtFLz9C8P_s16fYTkHKfQjDL61SWCTlDXoiaRjdtIq09GJ35HEvo9FRXNvu9S77W_DQJIKupLhyphenhypheneNYqgsO7v5gozxe09q8/s400/Clint+cu.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558440124364566066" style="cursor: pointer; width: 398px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-25417129221963023822010-11-10T12:15:00.001-08:002010-11-10T12:19:04.857-08:00Draw Joke<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqlrm9xMaB7Ex4L67FsA3FavtHrtKz8Xd1mZRhwyhHIe3V8Gnes1vc2qCw4OUmpNA2JgMY3NVLTwOPgDdr-LdlFprWloBrBh8aPH5PSr7l2AxDiUxt2QpKH-zBe5BUAZFAkZmLZ0_4lg/s1600/man2_0001.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 318px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqlrm9xMaB7Ex4L67FsA3FavtHrtKz8Xd1mZRhwyhHIe3V8Gnes1vc2qCw4OUmpNA2JgMY3NVLTwOPgDdr-LdlFprWloBrBh8aPH5PSr7l2AxDiUxt2QpKH-zBe5BUAZFAkZmLZ0_4lg/s400/man2_0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538017997085445938" /></a><br /><div>Death Of A Sailsman.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thankyou.</div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-31448395115244314982010-11-02T14:09:00.001-07:002010-11-03T08:30:30.536-07:00Halloween Joke BookHi everyone. <div><br /></div><div>For those of you who don't know, I've spent the last two months writing my very own Halloween joke book. This past Saturday, October the thirtieth, I sent it in to the publishing company, right on time for Halloween of course, and it was rejected. </div><div>They gave me the usual BS. They said it was way too short, not enough jokes, and that the jokes weren't "punchy enough" or some of them weren't "really jokes". "Too many footnotes for a joke book" they said. Well now it's my turn to talk.</div><div>All I wanted to do was share my own brand of Halloween humour, and I'm not about to let any book publishing corporate fat cat stop me. So, instead of shopping this around and getting the money I deserve, I present to you here, in it's entirety, my Halloween joke book. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Why do vampires always check their hair on Skype (or other video chat programs)?</div><div><br /></div><div>Because they can't see themselves in the mirror.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of vampires, I heard they need to stay away from garlic. Do you know where they should not go? </div><div><br /></div><div>Italian restaurants.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Why did the luddite not want to dress up like a spider for Halloween? </div><div><br /></div><div>He didn't like being on the web.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Do you want to hear a witch joke? </div><div><br /></div><div>Ok, which joke? </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Why does Marilyn Manson hate Halloween? </div><div><br /></div><div>He can never tell if he's met a true beauty, or if they're just faking looking gross and weird. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Why are pirate werewolves so cautious? </div><div><br /></div><div>Because they be werewolves. ((be - were (ware)wolves.) (beware wolves))</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Who was the kid mummy's favourite rapper? </div><div><br /></div><div>His mummy.*</div><div><br /></div><div>His mummy, or mother, dresses him in the morning by (w)rapping him thus making her a (w)rapper or wrapper.**</div><div><br /></div><div>**Author (or "jokester") pleads poetic license on dropping of 'w'. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Who was Sigmund Freud's favourite Ghostbuster? </div><div><br /></div><div>EGOn. </div><div><br /></div><div>(Please ignore holes in timeline and prenounciation.)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggxSCbW8kCSSTUjslRAZKxBtLvQpMAe-iU6dkf7_Cjp-kolij_AI1WGRnDyzBklpw6IftEADzI7cgtjhLGCfUohix-rw4__TKtE1O7yTi8BuncLoYXnPoqAxcXHa9184BD0gyohPlqUWE/s1600/tom.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggxSCbW8kCSSTUjslRAZKxBtLvQpMAe-iU6dkf7_Cjp-kolij_AI1WGRnDyzBklpw6IftEADzI7cgtjhLGCfUohix-rw4__TKtE1O7yTi8BuncLoYXnPoqAxcXHa9184BD0gyohPlqUWE/s400/tom.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535344330972052994" style="cursor: pointer; width: 253px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Pictured above, the beautiful people? Uhhhh, yeah, right.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-30561521742557563382010-09-05T13:47:00.000-07:002010-09-05T14:11:40.120-07:00Art<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgELad35pD4yWdyinuVME-zLXMBAaVgbjkvNEg-m6XJ_bgwbVJYJGW_kClZC9YTgeeaG05t7IhpL9XSSs4c7rOOc_m15I-91MJI13eDAjuqjPBnCPNFi7kteuJoGalrLAbmM-pYKP7mumo/s1600/venus.gif"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 251px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgELad35pD4yWdyinuVME-zLXMBAaVgbjkvNEg-m6XJ_bgwbVJYJGW_kClZC9YTgeeaG05t7IhpL9XSSs4c7rOOc_m15I-91MJI13eDAjuqjPBnCPNFi7kteuJoGalrLAbmM-pYKP7mumo/s400/venus.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513535192843608994" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div>Of an art period.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikZWvLvSQmKbDmke3AHUUrFHu11gBM3TJni8jZgj3fhvvJo3LKwAmeTC3rzeMTapOpZReyQaw3YT2rZhxZo65-NXJwBHhQJ7OGHK35QtGtsaaF6qM-EXmnaC7CedbI1rSWtkTeKS7HGak/s1600/Stove_0001-1.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikZWvLvSQmKbDmke3AHUUrFHu11gBM3TJni8jZgj3fhvvJo3LKwAmeTC3rzeMTapOpZReyQaw3YT2rZhxZo65-NXJwBHhQJ7OGHK35QtGtsaaF6qM-EXmnaC7CedbI1rSWtkTeKS7HGak/s400/Stove_0001-1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513539577689561986" style="cursor: pointer; width: 314px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Oven art, period.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-21832884431526476662010-08-18T08:37:00.000-07:002010-08-18T08:50:09.711-07:00Hello, What?Hi guys. Too formal? Ok, hey guys. I made this video with a lot of the funniest guys that live in the city that I live in. Is my writing style getting too chunky? I think this old blog is going to cut the sides off again, does anyone know how to fix that? So anyway, click the thing that lets you watch it on youtube. <div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lfTsmcvDfq4?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lfTsmcvDfq4?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>If you liked this, Chris Locke and Derek Horn, who I made this video with, also made <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qpw6gobLzQ">this gem</a>.</div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-19297782640955910652010-08-03T12:06:00.000-07:002010-08-03T13:41:00.829-07:00Interview: James Franco<div>I was recently asked by actor and young man, James Franco, for an interview. Having been a fan of his tight facial skin for some time, I obliged.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8XbbEMBVJXqWXBjCneTG4M9zBeSCsLFEExwPPJ4IW9oiBHDhQm3lNBfjhf0-6zHgQjYAcN-vCmtVIjx7ZfIgpiK4H4jcUOTGDHMQ_1_mLhCdqP4yqq52HjoI0JscSOEpLLSMv24RP5g0/s1600/TDH-1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 374px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8XbbEMBVJXqWXBjCneTG4M9zBeSCsLFEExwPPJ4IW9oiBHDhQm3lNBfjhf0-6zHgQjYAcN-vCmtVIjx7ZfIgpiK4H4jcUOTGDHMQ_1_mLhCdqP4yqq52HjoI0JscSOEpLLSMv24RP5g0/s400/TDH-1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5501278221479444626" /></a><br /><br /><div><div><br /></div><div>James Franco: Tom Henry, an absolute pleasure. <div><br /></div><div>Tom Henry: Nice to see you James, just call me Tom. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Great, just call me James.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I did. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Just call me James Dean. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: No.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Haha, yeah, just kidding, I'm really sick of that comparison actually. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: You brought it up.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: You know, sometimes you just want to be your own person, but people are so simple that they can only understand things by comparing them with things they're already familiar with. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: That's a wise take on it, I think. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Can a guy not just be an actor named James who looks like James Dean and plays James Dean and acts like James Dean?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Personally, I think you look kind of like Bill Pullman.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Not James Dean?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: A bit I guess. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: That really offends me. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Sorry, I thought you didn't like the...</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: You're tearing me apart!</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Right. Do you have any questions you want to ask me? </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Sure. Would you believe me if I told you I was a ghost? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Seriously? What, the ghost of James Dean? </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: That's not what I was going to say, you think you're so smart. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I apologize, go on.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: A ghost that hangs out at graveyards, y'know? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Ok, sure. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: And, one day this ghost, y'know the ghost that I am, wanders upon this one certain dead guy's body, and goes inside of him and starts making him move around and talk and seem alive again. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Ok, and the dead guy is James Dean. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Do you believe it? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I don't want to talk about this anymore. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF, Why, you scared? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I am a little scared of you. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Don't be scared, I, the ghost that I am, am now completely in control of this body, like that movie, Being James Dean. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Being James Dean? </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Yeah, you know, Being James Dean, that movie with John Malkovich. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Ok, whatever. Where did you get the name Franco from then? </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: I guess there's this guy who thinks he's my dad, and his name is Franco. I guess he's crazy or something, him and his wife, and all of their relatives. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: They must be really upset. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Typical of the living. All of my other ghost in body friends have the same problems. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: There are others? </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Yeah, you know Gerard Butler? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Yeah.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: He's actually a ghost inside of Colin Farrell's dead body.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: That doesn't make sense James, Colin Farrell isn't dead.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Ok, maybe, I just heard that from my friend Colin Hanks, you know Colin Hanks? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Sure. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: He's actually a ghost inside of Tom Hanks' body. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Again, Tom Hanks is alive.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Are you kidding me! Have you seen how much they look alike?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Listen James, sometimes people just look alike, especially if they're related.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: C'mon, quit tearing me apart. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: James, I think you need to talk to someone, I can put you in touch with a guy, you could go over there right now. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Yeah, great, let me just drive my sports car over there really fast, do you still feel good about sending me over there? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Listen, why don't you just go lie down on the couch for a bit.</div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Yeah sure, maybe I'll take a GIANT nap. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Ok buddy. </div><div><br /></div><div>JF: Giant is a James Dean movie, my body will give you an autograph about it if you like. </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Ok. </div><div><br /></div></div></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-53508636284821364962010-06-25T18:14:00.000-07:002010-06-25T18:35:21.107-07:00Jokes<div>Hi beautiful, oh hi other beautiful, so many beautifuls here today. Below these words lie some jokes I made in my famous brown cardigan, for a show which was a showcase with my Laugh Sabbath pals for the comedy network, which is a television channel, do people still know about those? I don't know how to make the video not get cut off, maybe click on the link instead?</div><div><br /></div><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fCvM23YY8yI&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fCvM23YY8yI&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-30790602170652792522010-06-17T13:47:00.000-07:002010-06-17T14:23:13.673-07:00Hi, I'm BackHi everyone, I'm back. Did you get a good enough look at that tooth growing out of a thumb? If I told you my creative battery needed recharging would you believe me? What if I were Jonny Depp and I told you that? Yeah, I thought so.<br />Anyway, I'm back and I just want you to know it's not your fault I've been gone so long. No listen, it's not your fault.<br />Matt Damon: Yeah, I know man.<br /><br />-Good Will Hunting<br /><br />Woah, did Good Will Hunting just happen? Ok, so I bet you've been wondering obsessively what I've been doing with my time in the last two months, other than blind mayonaisse/miracle whip taste tests. Well, I've been writing a book with my very talented friend David Dineen-Porter, and I thought I'd share with you an excerpt. It deals with a fake disease that we're calling Crivits right now. Once it's published I look forward to all of the reviews undoubtedly remarking on our "absurdist wit". I also look forward to all of you remarking on our "absurdist wit".<br />Also here is David Dineen-Porter's amazing pilot tv show <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-baQDZqggY">L'Brondelle's Universe</a>, you will like it definitely.<br /><br /><br />Throwing a Crivit Friendly Party<br /><br />Have you ever been to a party with very little music, and very little amount of snacks? Of course you haven't! Well, get used to it. The "party" setting, or "get-together" setting opens a figurative bag of things you wouldn't want to find in a bag (problems) for the Crivits sufferer.<br /><br />-Shrimp.<br /><br />A crivit man or lady is completely able and encouraged to eat shrimp. Hmm, good news right? Well, not so fast (no, not good news), in the excitement of a social rendezvous setting, the sight of shrimp is one that reacts badly with this one specific part of the brain*. In 98 percent of Crivits cases, a shrimp at a party will immediately be mistaken for a crescent moon. "Big Deal" you say, or some other types of you might say "Big Whoop." (the sassy type) and to you I ask this, have you ever seen sixty of the earth's moons displayed around a dish of red sauce? I didn't think so. Let me also ask you this, have you ever seen twenty-five grown men and ladies kneeling on the ground, screaming drool, heads cocked toward the sky for an answer as to why they just saw sixty of the earth's moons seemingly ready to be dipped into a reddish sauce? I have, and let's put it this way, some of them didn't "make it"... to the washroom... to pee (they peed their pants). Let's also put it this way, some of them didn't "make it"... (they died).<br /><br />Fun Solutions: Blindfold Shrimp Games.<br /><br />Even normal humans play the classic game of 'pin the tail on the donkey'. Here's a modern Crivits take on that old classic game.<br /><br />1. Tell whichever Crivits guys you know to play that dumb game.<br /><br />2. Tell them there's shrimp as a consolation prize for all of the people who don't win (lose).<br /><br />3. Tell them they obviously all don't win because they have a disease that prohibits the use of their arms whilst sight functions are incompacitated.<br /><br />4. Tell them to eat the shrimp off of the cold rubber-like table cloth with their cold rubber-like faces.<br /><br />5. Have fun!<br /><br /><br /><br />*The shrimp/moon effect has not yet been quantified by those who study the brain (brain studiers). It's proof is largely anecdotal, like that time I saw all that stuff, and is portrayed in a book that Walt Whitman thought about writing.**<br /><br />**I heard that but don't quote me on it, but tell people it, but not as a quote by me, but say you heard it was definitely true. Tell them the person who told you is your uncle who is the dean of a university.***<br /><br />***Let me know if your uncle has any employment for me in his university, teaching or even as an actor/photographer to spy on his students to find out which ones he should kick out, I have a new cannon x250.tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-90386808919620585672010-04-10T10:39:00.000-07:002010-04-10T10:45:16.079-07:00Illustrat-pion(pun)<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzZjHgPoiAjF0RugeL5QRrw9ImPEX_EiyBGPJm_9_GFittxEVtLQMpnwwTar5IJfCvVopuTPxpNQCqi3bMdtttRB8Ary0FLaGVj9n1z1p33Oa7p3c_zHUQlTx4F91QyvxVGadh8VN1FlY/s1600/hand_0001.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 340px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzZjHgPoiAjF0RugeL5QRrw9ImPEX_EiyBGPJm_9_GFittxEVtLQMpnwwTar5IJfCvVopuTPxpNQCqi3bMdtttRB8Ary0FLaGVj9n1z1p33Oa7p3c_zHUQlTx4F91QyvxVGadh8VN1FlY/s400/hand_0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5458565328774374594" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div>An Inconvenient Tooth</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Rum pum pum.</div><div><br /></div><div>tdh.</div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-61619959128622263692010-04-08T10:16:00.000-07:002010-04-08T10:38:46.076-07:00J.J. SalingerHi guys, it seems due to my reputation in the literary community, I've ended up on this guy's mailing list.<br /><br /><br />Dear potential buyer,<br /><br /> My name is J.J. Salinger, I am the little known son, and executor to the estate of the great American writer J.D. Salinger. As you know my father was last published in 1965, but continued to write vigorously in relative seclusion until his recent death.<br /><br /> Of late, I have been working to get this previously unpublished work out to the public as I feel it wrong to deprive the fans any further. As you can imagine most of the work has not been hard to find a home for, there are, however a few rare items that the major publishing companies have deemed, "not polished enough" or "inappropriate". While they are entitled to their opinion, I believe that these historic pieces of literature should be seen. For these reasons I am opening the purchasing rights to you, the public.<br /><br /> The first item up for sale is a shoebox full of letters from my late father to me, I present to you some selected passages of a sample letter from this collection that could be yours:<br /><br /><br />Dearest J.J.,<br /><br /> By entrusting you the responsibilities of soul executor of my estate, I faithfully put my legacy in your hands. I know you will serve me well in my unwavering wish to let my work die with me. It is of the utmost importance, so that my soul can rest in peace in the afterlife...<br /><br />...Please allow me to reiterate, upon my death all of my unpublished work is to be shoveled into a very large fire. Any pages that have not been successfully reduced to ash, should then be put into a hole in the ground and covered with compost...<br /><br />...Please do not perceive any humor in what I write. I know that I can trust you, my favourite son, with this most important of tasks.<br /><br />I love you very, very much,<br /><br />Dad (J.D. Salinger)<br /><br /><br /> As you can see, dad never let go of his acerbic wit and flair for the dramatic. This letter in it's entirety and over thirty more can now be yours or your organizations. Please help me to end the deprivation of the true fans of dad's indelible work, or keep it for your private collection. As a wise man once said, let's make a deal.<br /><br /> The second collection on the docket is a series of short stories written some time in the mid 2000's. This was a trying time for dad, he believed himself to be suffering from a terrible case of what he called "writer's block", and claimed to be having some problems with his "memory". For the entirety of the year, everything he wrote was crumpled into a ball and thrown into a trash basin or "waste bin". Luckily, so as to deprive the world no longer, I was able to retrieve a number of these short stories. They have been professionally restored (un-crumpled) and now are available for you to own.<br /><br /> As many a tormented genius, my father's own self-criticism was hard for him to quiet, but I think you'll see this is great stuff, classic dad.<br /><br /><br />The Glass Family Barbecue<br />By J.D Salinger<br /><br /> The Glass family go to the Barbecue, and they are all very smart but very sad. Now imagine some of that dialogue I'm famous for.<br /> Do you think this is good? Like American classic good?<br /> Then Ritchie Tanenbaum shows up, and he's in love with Margot. Wait, I invented that family right? So then Ben Stiller does some things and Holden Caulfield shows up, he says, "Oh man, people are the goddamn worst." Do you find this relatable if you're a youth?<br /><br /><br /> For sale! Own a piece of the J.D. Salinger canon now! Thank you for your time potential buyer, any and all pricing inquiries can be sent to my personal email: jjsalamander@hotmail.com.<br /><br /><br />With love and squalor, (phrase for sale, contact J.J. Salinger)<br /><br /><br />J.J. Salinger<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9E0clx5d23c3R2p8j-yahCNFA4B038RdVNGVt7e-MFUyJJBSO8AkjP4erRoorBCLGvz5fkx_BSm0Hr8i4c5TdynOMrBRHnuYqYi79L-UBIdbWHBVlm5xPWHeyHIoI151IPbHdVIG0_Ig/s1600/salinger2_0007.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9E0clx5d23c3R2p8j-yahCNFA4B038RdVNGVt7e-MFUyJJBSO8AkjP4erRoorBCLGvz5fkx_BSm0Hr8i4c5TdynOMrBRHnuYqYi79L-UBIdbWHBVlm5xPWHeyHIoI151IPbHdVIG0_Ig/s400/salinger2_0007.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457821683095241410" style="cursor: pointer; width: 268px; height: 400px; " /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-61171762651401652222010-03-18T10:33:00.000-07:002010-03-18T10:50:08.770-07:00The Farm<div>Oh, hi guys, I made this short film (video) about a sad guy. Hopefully, once you see how handsome I am, you will still be able to take my writing intelligence seriously. The video also features the great Katie Crown. Have a watch mon (Jamaican).</div><div><br /></div><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vhoDOVasSCA&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vhoDOVasSCA&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-77210655242891692752010-03-09T14:02:00.000-08:002010-03-16T11:47:06.453-07:00Guy's Night OutDid you think I turned into a Gary Larson and then died? You were wrong, but almost right. <div><br /></div><div>I've just returned from Hollywood, in Los Angeles, I was there for the Academy's Awards. After the ceremonies I went out on the town with a couple of my pals, the evening's hosts, Steve Martin and the only remaining Baldwin, Alec. They kept saying it was a "guy's night out" and that even though they both had high powered agents, tonight they were "free agents" looking to sign on to "any indie project they could find." They said they were looking for the "Diablo Cody of women." They said they would "Write HER screenplay, and they weren't talking about Juno if you knew what they meant." I didn't know what they meant. They also alluded to "chasing tail" every five or six minutes. I didn't know what that meant either. After a while it became evident, here are some of the things I heard them say on guy's night out. </div><div><br /></div><div>"My hair's been white since I was twenty, so I could be twenty."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Have you seen Shopgirl? My character dates a younger woman, about your age, and my character is about my age. I based it on a true story, a true story from the future. It's based on you, you and me."</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc4-v90ZQh4rwLAjI4CL_RWRXi_RrVGAx-5cSYzgWjqUlpMG6KDrPEiMnoqtIaf9_cbbWP9ZQJABHaLym-Bsij1TPLpBtqoWilHNVmcv-VpemBSLmgiVBnnhDKRRjWVTG8vp7gbRuWXzY/s1600-h/Steve+Martin.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc4-v90ZQh4rwLAjI4CL_RWRXi_RrVGAx-5cSYzgWjqUlpMG6KDrPEiMnoqtIaf9_cbbWP9ZQJABHaLym-Bsij1TPLpBtqoWilHNVmcv-VpemBSLmgiVBnnhDKRRjWVTG8vp7gbRuWXzY/s400/Steve+Martin.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5448992328139212178" style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 301px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"You're much prettier than Claire Danes. You are Claire Danes? Oh, nevermind."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Facelift? I'm just a comedian, why would I get a facelift? To get a part in Cheaper By The Dozen? Yeah right. Yeah you're right.</div><div><br /></div><div>"You like 30 Rock? I'll buy you thirty rocks, thirty diamonds... No, that was for the sake of poetry, but I'll buy you one or two."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Here's a picture of my daughter... Oh that picture next to her? That's what I used to look like."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Remember when I was great? Ok, keep remembering it. Keep rememebering it. Keep Remembering it. Keep remembering it. Keep remembering it. Keep remembering it..."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Did you see us host the Oscars? Wasn't it funny when we made fun of each other? We actually really like each other. Do you like us each other?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Have you seen The Shadow?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"If you say I'm washed up one more time... I'll keep sitting here cause you're pretty and I think you're really beautiful."</div><div><br /></div><div>"You're not impressed by money? I'll impress you with my acting then. What should I act like?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Yes we were in It's Complicated. You know what's not complicated? Your eyes. They are simple, simply beautiful. Hang on I'll make a call. Nancy, can you make a movie called It's Simple, Simply beautiful? Starring.. what's your name sweetheart?"</div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-21946859015157340742010-02-19T13:00:00.001-08:002010-02-19T13:05:51.268-08:00Draw Joke<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjY2VxnfGM2zyd1WP3dN0ved6JPBX9EjD3AGRU4KXMgWwlMKhZhQODdqygK-aVg6weWORv3Y56BsR-rOdBDTPUWPvcU0ln1n715pFCkD_kDsXYl0FuYKgDaHF5lqboGnn09xOoMLIqTvI/s1600-h/tom+3_0001.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjY2VxnfGM2zyd1WP3dN0ved6JPBX9EjD3AGRU4KXMgWwlMKhZhQODdqygK-aVg6weWORv3Y56BsR-rOdBDTPUWPvcU0ln1n715pFCkD_kDsXYl0FuYKgDaHF5lqboGnn09xOoMLIqTvI/s400/tom+3_0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5440062867989828610" style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 375px; " /></a><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjY2VxnfGM2zyd1WP3dN0ved6JPBX9EjD3AGRU4KXMgWwlMKhZhQODdqygK-aVg6weWORv3Y56BsR-rOdBDTPUWPvcU0ln1n715pFCkD_kDsXYl0FuYKgDaHF5lqboGnn09xOoMLIqTvI/s1600-h/tom+3_0001.jpg"></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhks5IxPhFc-CiZkV2kmtvIk1AHi71IAkE5ZgUwWbS8ejmttjmJplTA3WIH1ir3SnCC_f9D5oSrRax8P9IL1kjeuJD4Zl4RhvD2jXERtjciZrzwq60p0vfg19SdP99UGgAxFs23poeqGcM/s1600-h/tom+3_0002.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 381px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhks5IxPhFc-CiZkV2kmtvIk1AHi71IAkE5ZgUwWbS8ejmttjmJplTA3WIH1ir3SnCC_f9D5oSrRax8P9IL1kjeuJD4Zl4RhvD2jXERtjciZrzwq60p0vfg19SdP99UGgAxFs23poeqGcM/s400/tom+3_0002.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5440062875999006242" /></a><br /><br /><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp777T6hBAlQ2FrqpfadGl0r46ufaC-qINSfD7ZU45XmSWgP5VFDtTMRzAjVmqsa6x4y3r81Euz6E4820ekChp9VT74uD-5aibx5y044PD1HGldWdGW7pwEZQCLY5gAOC77viMrNS1aMg/s1600-h/tom+3_0003.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp777T6hBAlQ2FrqpfadGl0r46ufaC-qINSfD7ZU45XmSWgP5VFDtTMRzAjVmqsa6x4y3r81Euz6E4820ekChp9VT74uD-5aibx5y044PD1HGldWdGW7pwEZQCLY5gAOC77viMrNS1aMg/s400/tom+3_0003.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5440062883925630546" style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 368px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>No strings attacked.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-64463079818920436142010-02-17T12:32:00.000-08:002010-02-17T12:37:37.628-08:00Pinocchio's Epiphany<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWCjt8weoWX2N0zOo_gk0uJVCI1-uAvSTgekxF8Am2QROwepqxAVEPa8B8DnoezF1FDN9eqNSMLvXea9PSVe3e_E2mKE-iAKohI81JhCgy5k_aP4vnPdW_cpqKpThrPUqjbK29qThApy0/s1600-h/pinnochio2_0002.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 279px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWCjt8weoWX2N0zOo_gk0uJVCI1-uAvSTgekxF8Am2QROwepqxAVEPa8B8DnoezF1FDN9eqNSMLvXea9PSVe3e_E2mKE-iAKohI81JhCgy5k_aP4vnPdW_cpqKpThrPUqjbK29qThApy0/s400/pinnochio2_0002.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5439313402747745186" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div>Alternate title: The time Pinocchio said something bad about Sandra Bullock.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Note: Meant to be wood chips at the back, not blood, unless you're into that kind of thing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Love you,</div><div><br /></div><div>tdh</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-69513960832865402222010-01-20T15:37:00.001-08:002010-01-20T16:04:21.308-08:00A Visual Cue<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-pfVUvhaTX5EqlnKG3_cC3Xria_g0tE4PIFIAamREYVML-ArG9sGiWoRkiAgYC0G8ZBne2BjbFhn99siOIwvDlm9Lg2tLVQlVGBbchbAo8UdZ4VKQOAv-ZhmKvWx-7Myl8K5ixP4wN3M/s1600-h/Tom+4_0001.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 303px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-pfVUvhaTX5EqlnKG3_cC3Xria_g0tE4PIFIAamREYVML-ArG9sGiWoRkiAgYC0G8ZBne2BjbFhn99siOIwvDlm9Lg2tLVQlVGBbchbAo8UdZ4VKQOAv-ZhmKvWx-7Myl8K5ixP4wN3M/s400/Tom+4_0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428970823933664050" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div>A visual cue</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj02x1yfVVCHQmvph2Qs-RY-YfZPVVbuPLFxaBlav1XyCqTYeoDbxfdAm-iNLph9_KlaZFBzNBO_1mkpCw_KH53_YVfMo8RLAxLvONKyFjaHk0DFFePDHOhWeIp6Iwc6KzmN2VkVKaqWE8/s1600-h/Tom+4_0002.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj02x1yfVVCHQmvph2Qs-RY-YfZPVVbuPLFxaBlav1XyCqTYeoDbxfdAm-iNLph9_KlaZFBzNBO_1mkpCw_KH53_YVfMo8RLAxLvONKyFjaHk0DFFePDHOhWeIp6Iwc6KzmN2VkVKaqWE8/s400/Tom+4_0002.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428970828073341362" style="cursor: pointer; width: 354px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>A visual Q</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKBRWIr7rUJbzk-AAcU7byZ5IvzIy379E6NcV-TRop3qvoCYpMbA9zC06q4GBQtCw8QC2TP_-O7soELKYN6aIbK5fUk9vKQbydCXFfUop-N0_fYB_AlOOpr6uzrtXNUW3Je3ybYnVd_j0/s1600-h/T5_0001.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKBRWIr7rUJbzk-AAcU7byZ5IvzIy379E6NcV-TRop3qvoCYpMbA9zC06q4GBQtCw8QC2TP_-O7soELKYN6aIbK5fUk9vKQbydCXFfUop-N0_fYB_AlOOpr6uzrtXNUW3Je3ybYnVd_j0/s400/T5_0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428976236064127314" style="cursor: pointer; width: 360px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>A non-visual Q (braille)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFthR0tkneb-5YgXNsHnz11xAfga0Esjtn6IxHWWuT-5NTFGBwgyx6ot9VQe4retKMmLK2ZBPdM54abszOwsNsSDkdP0ZzDLguKVOVzOidUkcZEjTyD6XR-oTs8Qqfn3-b-yWGeB-DAx8/s1600-h/Tom+4_0006.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFthR0tkneb-5YgXNsHnz11xAfga0Esjtn6IxHWWuT-5NTFGBwgyx6ot9VQe4retKMmLK2ZBPdM54abszOwsNsSDkdP0ZzDLguKVOVzOidUkcZEjTyD6XR-oTs8Qqfn3-b-yWGeB-DAx8/s400/Tom+4_0006.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428970834457687330" style="cursor: pointer; width: 349px; height: 400px; " /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>A pew (visually)</div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-25999614472878749932010-01-15T00:58:00.000-08:002010-01-15T14:02:59.214-08:00Despair, Angst, Absurdity, Alienation and Boredom<div>A philosophical conversation with Tom Henry, Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 350px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFnLqpadxEjjVrziNTiNImzkVbKLf0cqj9PwUH_WB8zujPP6C11S1-wbY22Rmy3qtgOczFRzxNbb9ZHVxzbV0M95AJ9W1CAKgSYH97eHxex_MVEKQbPR9NYRi3kKqif4-8lMCWIq3ccA/s400/TOM+Images_0003.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427063773265865890" /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: What is truth? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing. -Socrates</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, if you're laying on the ground, looking for clouds that look like things, and they all look like pieces of chewed gum, you may be facing the wrong way.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: What is god? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I watched a Mel Gibson movie about this.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: We meant god in a broader sense, not Christ so much.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: What Women Want was about Christ? </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: What is existence? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Generally, when you exist, it involves haircuts. </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/ HG: How should one find meaning in life? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Live everyday like tomorrow could be your last, or like they could change the calendar to make days a length that you couldn't possibly live longer than one more day.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Even if you lived to be a hundred? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Yes, one day would be at least a thousand present calendar years in this scenario. Every birthday card would say happy zero birthday, and when lovers called each other 'baby' it would make more sense.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: I see.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I'm actually advocating this system, it's completely absurd that one or two guys got to decide which calendar we use.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Who are you referring to?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Greg or Ian.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: What is the universe?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Some would say we're floating on a marble that's being played with in a giant game of marbles, it's that arbitrary really. </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Hmm.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Incidentally, I heard it was a sign of luxury to have a marble staircase so I put a bunch of marbles on my stairs, but the only thing that happened was that thing from Home Alone. </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Being What?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Someone slipped.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: ...</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: My great aunt, she perished.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Oh my.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: It's ok, she had a very long life, she got to see all seven wonders of the world.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: That's an amazing and rare accomplishment.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Yeah, I know, most of us saw the first six, but she had a friend who worked on the seventh one, so she got to see Voldemort die and all that.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG:...</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: It more or less evened out for her anyway, because I payed for her to have a marble tombstone.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: That's a grand gesture.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: When you pay some kids to put marbles on a tombstone, does that count as paying for a marble tombstone?</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: No.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Well that's what I did, if you didn't understand the inference.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: What is death?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: The ringing in our ears, habitually tuned out, but ever present. It shows no prejudice, arriving in the heat or the cold, night or the day. It cares not for feelings of safety and security, it knows no sympathy... It's not as bad as it sounds though. </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: How do you know? </div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I've experienced it. </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: You've experienced death?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: I thought you asked me about the film, You've Got Mail?</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Is there karma?</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Yes, you will be reincarnated as either a great eagle or a pathetic bug, so try not to be odious. </div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Tha...</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Wait, I mean try not to be Odie. Try not to come back as Odie, Garfield can be very cruel.</div><div><br /></div><div>SJP/HG: Thankyou. Namaste.</div><div><br /></div><div>TH: Namaste.</div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-80043219853878463402010-01-02T10:18:00.000-08:002010-01-02T10:38:50.162-08:002010Uggh. I'ts 2010, the year to put all the apostrophe's in the wrong spot's. <div><br /></div><div>That was George Orwell's real distopic vision, that guy loved grammar. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, it seems I've unintentionally taken a month off. My brain feels small and shrivelled, and pouring alot of water in my ear isn't helping. Here are the most funny things I've thought of in the last month - </div><div><br /></div><div>George W. Bush - That guy was not good. </div><div><br /></div><div>Dr. Phil - Not even a real doctor. </div><div><br /></div><div>MC Hammer - It's Hammer time I guess. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you know any ways to cure brain fog, lemme know. Maybe I need to take up coffee, even though I don't like hot drinks. </div><div><br /></div><div>Woah, this is getting way too personal. I'll write something tres (very) soon. Something that will make all the Hollywood agents knock at my door and tell me everything's gonna be alright. The decade in review? I dunno, what happened this decade, the ipod?" I guess it's better than the decade where they invented the tripod. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I'm saying jokes at Laugh Sabbath's <a href="http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=252821027852&index=1">Let's Get Hot!</a> tomorrow, my favourite show as a fan of live comedy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Don't leave me because of the month off, I'm too nice of a guy. </div><div><br /></div><div>tdh.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8643608695044931189.post-43582444508100844292009-12-03T14:40:00.000-08:002009-12-03T14:47:50.985-08:00Apartment 28<div>I got this message on myspace today - </div><div><br /></div><div>"Hey, it's Jeff Torin! I just started a new band with Jay Iorio called "Apartment 28". Check us out and let me know what you think."</div><div><br /></div><div>I wrote Jeff Torin back as was his want. </div><div><br /></div><div>editorial note: I know sarcasm's pretty easy stuff, but sometimes it's just there, please forgive me.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Dear Jeff Torin,<div><br /></div><div>It's Tom Henry!</div><div><br /></div><div>When I checked my myspace today for no reason at all I was pleased to receive your message. It's not every day I get an ambitious young upstart asking me to check out their band. Oh wait, it is, it is every day. Regardless, I think 'Apartment 28' shows great promise. </div><div><br /></div><div>First off, really fun name. Is that like the number of an apartment of someone in your band, or was that just some total off the top of your head kinda thing? Actually what would be really cool would be if it were a reference from some sort of movie or tv show that you're a fan of. Any of those origins would be pretty cool, and great interview fodder for dare I say, MTV? The name conjurs up some great images, like a living space of some sort that is probably on the second floor of a building. </div><div><br /></div><div>What is especially unique and exciting about this project is that you've teamed up with Jay Iorio, a man who I don't personally know, but aslo don't know at all. That said, I have a preeeetty good feeling about him, I knew a guy named Jay once and he was certainly approaching almost being worth conversing with. </div><div><br /></div><div>I haven't had a chance to 'check out' your music yet, but I look forward to it. Are there guitars in it? Golly, I hope so. I have the utmost confidence that despite the valliant yet utterly dissapointing efforts made by all of the bands who have ever randomly solicited me to listen to their music, Apartment 28 will make it all worth while. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's really too bad that I have no connections at any of those big record labels, I would be sure to put you in contact with them. Sometimes it just makes me really mad that my uncle isn't a big deal, so I could help good intentioned folks like yourself out. You should keep trying though, and probably you will be discovered by a very rich and powerful man, in fact I'm almost certain of it! Please, promise not to forget about me when your song is played for a second in a season of Grey's Anatomy that ratings are down for, but still not bad.</div><div><br /></div><div>Brimming with anticipation, </div><div><br /></div><div>Tom Henry</div><div><br /></div><div></div>tom henryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00313959408140953786noreply@blogger.com3