Monday, September 14, 2009

Old Groaners

I just got to see a sneak peak early film festival screening of the new Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman film, Old Groaners, about two aging men trying to make sense of today's fast paced world. Here are some of my favourite lines, this one looks to be an instant classic.


"Oh, the internet? Is that the number twelve that keeps flashing on my VCR?"

"Oh yeah, by the way, why is it always twelve o'clock at my house? it's twelve o'clock every second. What the?"

"The internet? What a bunch of wires!"

"Who is Jessica Simpson? Is she like Homer Simpson? Who is Homer Simpson?"

"Text message? Like a typewriter?"

"Alarm clock? I just get woken up by that terradactyl. What happened to that terradactyl?" (email me for full list of dinosaur jokes)

"Frank Sinatra was good, more good than both of those new types of music."

"What time is it? 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12. What the?"

"I'm so new and hip, oh wait, I so need a new hip."

"Geez, I can't find my spectacles. Oh they're on my head."

"I can't find my car keys, Oh they're on my head."

"Oh, my car is so old, it's one of those old timey cars."

"Look at all this medicine, I take more pills than all the dreams I have about Ava Gardner. That's alot."

"My three least favourite words? Arth. Right. Us. Wait, arth isn't a word, never mind."

"Oh, sick means good now? Ok, give me the sickest lobster you have. I want to eat a very sick lobster."

"When I was a kid if you wanted to go into space, you just went into a space."


Old Groaners, Columbia Tristar Ent. Ltd. 2009

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Fruit Fly

Hi everyone, I've been busy working on my old film scripts again. Here's a sneak peek of the newest one, it's been optioned by a company.
The Fruit Fly is an exciting twist on an old classic, The Fly, about Seth Brundle, a man slowly becoming a fly. It's basically the same, except it's with a fruit fly. Enjoy.


SCENE 22
INT. MARK'S HOUSE. NIGHT.

SETH BRUNDLE
Mark, can I have this grape?



SCENE 35
INT. JENNY'S APT. DAY.

SETH BRUNDLE
Wow, great apartment Jenny, do you have any fruit?

JENNY
No

SETH BRUNDLE
Ok, lates.



SCENE 54
EXT. STREET. DAY.

BETTY
Hey I'm having a party Saturday, you should come.

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh great, can my a million friends come?

BETTY
Huh?

SETH BRUNDLE
They're really annoying fun guys.



SCENE 61
INT. RESTAURANT. DAY.

WAITER
Our special today is a tomato salad.

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh ok, is that a fruit after all?

WAITER
I don't know.

SETH BRUNDLE
Uhh, just give me fifteen sides of fruit.



SCENE 63
INT. CLUB. NIGHT.
Seth sees a guy holding a guitar

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh you're a musician, have you ever heard that White Stripes song, fell in love with a plum?



SCENE 66
EXT. PARK. DAY.

SETH BRUNDLE
Do you want one of these bananas?

DAVE
No thanks, I don't really like bananas.

SETH BRUNDLE
What!

DAVE
Yeah, I just don't really like the texture.

SETH BRUNDLE
You are an idiot.

DAVE
...

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh you're dumb.



SCENE 85
INT. GYM. DAY.

SETH BRUNDLE
Hey do you know what my favourite part of my body is?

GEENA
What?

SETH BRUNDLE
My adam's apple.

GEENA
Oh.

SETH BRUNDLE
Except not really, cause it's not actually an apple.