Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Halloween Joke Book

Hi everyone.

For those of you who don't know, I've spent the last two months writing my very own Halloween joke book. This past Saturday, October the thirtieth, I sent it in to the publishing company, right on time for Halloween of course, and it was rejected.
They gave me the usual BS. They said it was way too short, not enough jokes, and that the jokes weren't "punchy enough" or some of them weren't "really jokes". "Too many footnotes for a joke book" they said. Well now it's my turn to talk.
All I wanted to do was share my own brand of Halloween humour, and I'm not about to let any book publishing corporate fat cat stop me. So, instead of shopping this around and getting the money I deserve, I present to you here, in it's entirety, my Halloween joke book.

Why do vampires always check their hair on Skype (or other video chat programs)?

Because they can't see themselves in the mirror.

Speaking of vampires, I heard they need to stay away from garlic. Do you know where they should not go?

Italian restaurants.

Why did the luddite not want to dress up like a spider for Halloween?

He didn't like being on the web.

Do you want to hear a witch joke?

Ok, which joke?

Why does Marilyn Manson hate Halloween?

He can never tell if he's met a true beauty, or if they're just faking looking gross and weird.

Why are pirate werewolves so cautious?

Because they be werewolves. ((be - were (ware)wolves.) (beware wolves))

Who was the kid mummy's favourite rapper?

His mummy.*

His mummy, or mother, dresses him in the morning by (w)rapping him thus making her a (w)rapper or wrapper.**

**Author (or "jokester") pleads poetic license on dropping of 'w'.

Who was Sigmund Freud's favourite Ghostbuster?


(Please ignore holes in timeline and prenounciation.)

Pictured above, the beautiful people? Uhhhh, yeah, right.


Vargas said...

Not only should they published this, but it should be required reading in school. And that drawing is the best.

Anonymous said...

So Tom
I'm at a Jewish Festival, celebrating Purim. A 12 year old boy has made a cardboard joke booth and for a quarter he'll work his magic. I slap one down. He looks at me and begins - A man is walking down the street, he passes a shop, the window is full of watches. The man walks in, says to the shopkeeper, 'I'd like to see the one with the silver band'. The shopkeeper replies, 'We don't sell watches here, we do circumcisions'. The customer blurts out, 'Why the watches'? The shopkeeper - What do you want me to put in the window?
Your story inspires me to share one of my favourite moments with you young man, keep up the great work Tom.
Your Pal
Big Handsome

Anonymous said...

live sexLas Vegas Escorts

Anonymous said...

Melbourne Escortfree porn

Sange said...

An English professior wrote the words, “Woman withour her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her,man is nothing.”
Melbourne Escortsshop sex1/3