Monday, October 27, 2008

A Few Quick Letters

Dear artistc types,
Hair cuts are supposed to make you look less dumb, not more dumb.

Dear firefighters,
Your apparent lack of common sense is a gift to us all. 

Dear actors, 
The world needs you, keep up the good work.

Dear poets, 
You're not as cute as you think.

Dear god, 
If you're so good, how come no one wants to meet you? Everyone wants to meet George Clooney.

Dear George Clooney, 
Can I meet you?

Dear self,
You're so clever, I look forward to getting to know you better.

Dear fruit,
You obviously don't care about survival very much. Some kids don't like you, was that your plan?

Dear internet,
Everyone bad mouths you, but then uses you anyway. You're the annoying rich kid of planet earth.

Dear bones,
You really know how to get under my skin.

Dear jocks,
It's not that you're assholes, it's just that you're fuck heads.

Dear space aliens, 
What kind of good meat do you have? We're all a little tired of chicken. Also, what kind of vegan carrot cake replacements do you have? Our's all taste like shit. "Can you believe the icing's made of tofu?" Yes.

Dear death, 
Why so final? Loosen up a little, take 'er easy.

Dear America, 
Electing Barack Obama will only make up for Richard Gere.


Yours truly, 


Tom Henry

6 comments:

Sugarduk said...

So insightful, so funny, so dear. Ha!

Reganki.

O sorry - that's the word verification. But it has a ring to it, eh. Would you compose a quick letter to Reganki?

Sugarduk said...

Forgot to say: my favourite is the Clooney one. And the death one. And the Obama/Gere one.

hazey said...

This one is my fave[I have been known to utter that phrase when a new post is up, but this one really is my favourite to date]...a certain young lady read it aloud to me.I choked with laughter, not very graceful, at the space alien food query.
Dear bloggers cease and desist Tom is on the case.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad somebody (mainly you) has finally straightened out the poets and the jocks on what's actually going on there. You should have like a dial-in show y'know? "What's the deal with those sparkle things in my gel toothpaste? Give me a call."

Georgia said...

"can you believe this icing is made out of tofu?" yes.

"can you believe some asshole is trying to feed you tofu and pass it off as icing?" no.

Big Handsome Dave said...

Dear Mr Henry
Re: space aliens
My mom makes mock apple pie out of Ritz Crackers. Would you like the recipe? (It's the perfect April Fools Day treat)!