Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Some Updates

Hi.

I've been doing some thinking about this blog, and if anyone reads it, I'll let you in on my thinking. I don't think this post is going to be funny.

Firstly.

I'd like to post more often. I'm thinking of a way to do that, but you know that Peter, Bjorn and John album, Writer's Block? Yeah, you get the point. Anyway, get off my back, you think it's easy to be blessed with my signature dumbish intellect? So maybe in between the longer things, I'll post shorter things, and inbetween the shorter things I'll post really dumb things. I also perform lively in Toronto from time to time, so maybe I'll let you know about those.

Secondly.

I'm kind of obsessed with letters, and I'd like to send short, personalized letters to anyone who sends me a mailing address. That would be great fun I think. I'm not expecting to get many requests, but if you think it would be too neat, email me at tomdhenry@gmail.com, maybe we can make it a thing!

Thirdly.

If you exist, and ever read this ol' pile of hay, thankyou. I've existed here for more than a year now. Any feedback about these ideas or any old thing is welcome.

Fourthly,

Ladies,

I have rabies. Whoops, I mean, hey babies.


tom (d) henry



Monday, September 14, 2009

Old Groaners

I just got to see a sneak peak early film festival screening of the new Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman film, Old Groaners, about two aging men trying to make sense of today's fast paced world. Here are some of my favourite lines, this one looks to be an instant classic.


"Oh, the internet? Is that the number twelve that keeps flashing on my VCR?"

"Oh yeah, by the way, why is it always twelve o'clock at my house? it's twelve o'clock every second. What the?"

"The internet? What a bunch of wires!"

"Who is Jessica Simpson? Is she like Homer Simpson? Who is Homer Simpson?"

"Text message? Like a typewriter?"

"Alarm clock? I just get woken up by that terradactyl. What happened to that terradactyl?" (email me for full list of dinosaur jokes)

"Frank Sinatra was good, more good than both of those new types of music."

"What time is it? 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12. What the?"

"I'm so new and hip, oh wait, I so need a new hip."

"Geez, I can't find my spectacles. Oh they're on my head."

"I can't find my car keys, Oh they're on my head."

"Oh, my car is so old, it's one of those old timey cars."

"Look at all this medicine, I take more pills than all the dreams I have about Ava Gardner. That's alot."

"My three least favourite words? Arth. Right. Us. Wait, arth isn't a word, never mind."

"Oh, sick means good now? Ok, give me the sickest lobster you have. I want to eat a very sick lobster."

"When I was a kid if you wanted to go into space, you just went into a space."


Old Groaners, Columbia Tristar Ent. Ltd. 2009

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Fruit Fly

Hi everyone, I've been busy working on my old film scripts again. Here's a sneak peek of the newest one, it's been optioned by a company.
The Fruit Fly is an exciting twist on an old classic, The Fly, about Seth Brundle, a man slowly becoming a fly. It's basically the same, except it's with a fruit fly. Enjoy.


SCENE 22
INT. MARK'S HOUSE. NIGHT.

SETH BRUNDLE
Mark, can I have this grape?



SCENE 35
INT. JENNY'S APT. DAY.

SETH BRUNDLE
Wow, great apartment Jenny, do you have any fruit?

JENNY
No

SETH BRUNDLE
Ok, lates.



SCENE 54
EXT. STREET. DAY.

BETTY
Hey I'm having a party Saturday, you should come.

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh great, can my a million friends come?

BETTY
Huh?

SETH BRUNDLE
They're really annoying fun guys.



SCENE 61
INT. RESTAURANT. DAY.

WAITER
Our special today is a tomato salad.

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh ok, is that a fruit after all?

WAITER
I don't know.

SETH BRUNDLE
Uhh, just give me fifteen sides of fruit.



SCENE 63
INT. CLUB. NIGHT.
Seth sees a guy holding a guitar

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh you're a musician, have you ever heard that White Stripes song, fell in love with a plum?



SCENE 66
EXT. PARK. DAY.

SETH BRUNDLE
Do you want one of these bananas?

DAVE
No thanks, I don't really like bananas.

SETH BRUNDLE
What!

DAVE
Yeah, I just don't really like the texture.

SETH BRUNDLE
You are an idiot.

DAVE
...

SETH BRUNDLE
Oh you're dumb.



SCENE 85
INT. GYM. DAY.

SETH BRUNDLE
Hey do you know what my favourite part of my body is?

GEENA
What?

SETH BRUNDLE
My adam's apple.

GEENA
Oh.

SETH BRUNDLE
Except not really, cause it's not actually an apple.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Old West

I made this funny video with my smaller (and younger) brother. Writing up very soon. If you have any ideas what I should write about, tell me. Also, if you have any money I can have, I'll have it. Also any babes.



Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Dumbest News Story

I just found the dumbest news story in the New York Times, it's so badly written and dumb.


Tobey Mcguire upset after being called "cat man"


"Then they called me the cat man", explains the Spiderman star, "I was eating dinner and eventually they called me the cat man." explains the frusterated Cider House Rules star, "I was eating cat food." explains Tobey Mcguire, "I wanted to make a joke back at them, like a comeback." explains the Kirsten Dunst love interest in Spiderman. "I thought of saying like, Well the cat man do... and then I couldn't really come up with an ending, or a point." explains the actor.

When asked for opinions the town that Tobey was in were split. Ernie from the corner store says Tobey bought some candy, so Ernie was calling him the candy man; "I like that name better, got more of a ring to it. If the boy wants to eat cat food, so be it, then someone just give him some candy. "If I had that kind of money, I'm more of a pork chop, if you see Tobey tell him to try a pork chop, and then a candy." Says Ernie, "Woops, did I say I'm a pork chop? I meant to say I'm a pork chop man."



-by Jonathan Ernst Helm, NY Times, June 4, 2009

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Birthday Card

Hey,
This is a video I made for my good friend Lulu's birthday a bit ago. Some writing will be up in the next few short days (what?)








Also you can follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/thegreatgatsby I'm hilarious over there. Thanks for visiting. Happy 5th of July.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Interview: Kelsey Grammer

Mostly, my inerviews that I've posted here, I have been the subject, interviewed by an eager few celebrities whom I grant approval. Every now and again; however, someone so special comes along that I feel the need to turn my eyes on them. Ladies and gentleman, without further adieu, I give you Mr. Kelsey Grammer.


Tom Henry: Sir, it's a great honour.

Kelsey Grammer: The pleasure's mine. Would you like to get inside the mind of Frasier Crane?

TH: I'm so glad you asked. He's, in my mind, one of the great all time characters.

KG: Alot of the time on the show we would use irony as a comedic device.

TH: Interesting.

KG: Right, take for instance one of my favourite episodes. Niles and I have broken into a neighbour's condo apartment after a string of inevitably failed logic leads us there. Niles, as his character dictates, is noticably shaken, but not me, I'm getting high off it. I proclaim in an excited sort of half whisper, half talk; "I'm a cunning cat burglar, I have nerves of steel." Just as I finish that sentence, the door opens, I shriek; "aaaaah!"
Frasier is full of contradictions and character flaws, it makes him very funny and also very relatable.

TH: I've noticed that.

KG: Other times the character of Roz and I would play vaudeville pitch perfectly. I would have a cold, probably from the famous Seattle rain, and I would be coughing fervently. Roz comes in and says; "I haven't heard that much coughing since I was backstage at the Carribean Reggae Sunsplash concert."
Some of the episodes I'm most proud of are when I'm not aware that someone's right behind me, so I say something innapropriate about them very loudly. And then usually, I see the looks of shock and consternation on everyone's faces, and I tack on rather slowly and feebly; "...and they're right behind me aren't they?" and of course they are.

TH:...

KG: My other favourites are the times when I'm talking to someone, and we're both talking about different things, but we think we're talking about the same thing. Like, I say; I rear - ended somebody, and I mean it in the most literal sense, like a car accident, but they have been lead to believe I'm speaking in sexual inuendo.
That wasn't really the device irony, we had a name for those episodes, I can't remember right now.

TH: What's your real life like now?

KG: It's alot like Frasier actually. My wife sometimes jokes, "Uh oh, you're making that Frasier face again."

TH: What's that face look like?

KG: Most of the faces I make in Frasier are from real life, so I guess that's why she gets confused. And also she looks alot like a mix between Daphne and Roz.

TH: Oh really?

KG: Yeah, her name is Raphne.

TH: What kind of a name is that?

KG: I think she's Polish. She makes great stew, Campbell's Chunky.

TH: Quite the coincidence.

KG: Similarities aside, her comedic timing is terrible.

TH: Has that been a problem?

KG: Of course I love her for whoever she is, but sometimes I wish there would be like an incriminating message on the answering machine, and she would be like; "What is this?" and I would get all flustered, but then cover it up like; "hahaha, that's my friend playing a trick on me, not a real message."

TH: She can't keep up though?

KG: Well I guess the first problem is I don't get those messages, plus we have an answering service, not one of those outloud playing answering machines.

TH: Oh

KG: We usually just watch movies and stuff. We just got an early screening of the new Pixar film, Dear Deer. It's about a buck who wants to write letters, but is inhibited by it's hooves.

TH: Moving on, you played Beast in the X-Men. What was that like?

KG: X-Men is a huge franchise, much like Frasier. It was nice being on that set, Professor X really reminded me of Marty Crane, full of wisdom and with a passion for justice, Marty being an ex-cop of course, and Professor X being the head of a crime fighting syndicate.
I think Martin would have made a great X-man actually, but those dreams probably would've gone out the window when his wife, my mother, Hester died.
Funny thing actually, she's long dead before the show starts, but in one great episode I date Rita Wilson, Tom Hanks' wife. Here's the kicker, she looks just like my dead mom, so that plays in to the whole Freud thing, because of course Frasier is a psychologist.

TH: Was Tom Hanks on set?

KG: Yeah, we don't really get along. I don't know this for definite, but I'm pretty sure he was up for the part of Frasier.

TH: Thanks for your time.

KG: Goodnight Seattle, I love you.

TH: haha

KG: I mean, cheers.

TH: Ok.

KG: Cheers.