Friday, November 20, 2009

Interview: James Cameron

On the heels of his latest magnum opus, Avatar, I had filmmaking giant James Cameron over to my house in Culver City to talk shop.

Tom Henry: James Cameron, thanks for coming out.

James Cameron: Can I talk about my new movie called Avatar?

TH: Yeah.

JC: It has the biggest budget ever.

Tom Henry: Ok.

JC: You know when you used to collect Marvel cards when you were a kid?

TH: Yeah

JC: With the amount I spent on this movie, I could have bought you very many of those cards.

TH: Well, that doesn't even make much sense.

JC: About a zillion dollars worth or whatever.

TH: Is that how much you spent?

JC: More than you'll ever see anyway.

TH: So not a zillion.

JC: Uh yeah, whatever, what's the most money you ever spent on anything?

TH: I'm not sure.

JC: Remember in the sixth grade when your friend gave you those shoes, but you didn't like the colour so you coloured them with black marker?

TH: Yeah, sort of.

JC: What a poor move.

TH: Sure, whatever.

JC: Did you ever have a dream where you were so rich, and then you woke up, and you were like damn?

TH: I guess.

JC: Yep.

TH: Can we talk about something else?

JC: Sure, what do you want to talk about, the dirt on the ground?

TH: No, I dunno, who are your influences?

JC: No one you've probably ever heard of.

TH: Why don't you just say.

JC: You know that kid from Malcolm In The Middle?

TH Frankie Muniz?

JC: Yeah, what he makes times about 400 million.

TH: That's not an influence.

JC: Not for you.

TH: Who are your filmmaking influences?

JC: Tim Burton.

TH: Really?

JC No, have you seen how much he spends on movies?

TH: No.

JC: Indie shit. That guy's an ammie.

TH: an amateur?

JC: Yeah, I call them ammies... You know that movie Titanic?

TH: Yeah, you made it.

JC: What a crappy little budget that movie had.

TH: So you're not happy with it?

JC: Leonardo Decaprio's so ugly, he's poor.

TH: I think he has a lot of money.

JC: Do you wanna know my only friend?

TH: Sure

JC: The Eiffel Tower, it's the only guy worth enough.

TH: I don't think it's a guy.

JC: I pay this guy to sort of sit near it and more or less embody it, so we can play cards and stuff.

TH: So you're friends with that guy?

JC: No, he's a peasant of some sort, I'm friends with the tower.


JC: Do you have any food? I'm starving.

TH: Uh, yeah, what are you in the mood for?

JC: I haven't eaten in months.

TH: That's bad.

JC: I haven't found any food expensive enough.

TH: I guess I saw that coming.

JC: Can you do me a favour and charge me alot of money for some food? Because I think I might die.

TH: I guess so.

JC: Ok, my wallet needs to be airlifted here.

TH: That's so stupid, don't you have a bank card?

JC: I had a bank card made out of that stuff from Jurrasic Park.

TH: What stuff?

JC: Dinosaur.

TH: You have a bank card made out of dinosaur?

JC: Not anymore, I gave it to Bill Gates.

TH: Why Bill Gates?

JC: Seemed like he was down on his luck.

TH: I don't really want to talk to you anymore.

JC: Ok, can you call me one of those taxis that god drives for a handsome fee?

TH: That doesn't exist.

JC: Ok, bye.


Emily said...

yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

Anonymous said...

You're King of the World, TDH. This post is royally hilarious.

Vargas said...

You're the top
You're a Waldorf salad.
You're the top
You're a Berlin ballad.
You're the boats that glide
On the sleepy Zuider Zee,
You're an old Dutch master,
You're Lady Astor,
You're broccoli!

- Cole Porter (writing a song about you, of course)

stranger#3 said...

You're the top/You're Mahatma Gandhi/
You're the top/You're Napoleon Brandy/You're the purple light/Of a summer night in Spain/You're the National Gallery/You're Garbo's salary/You're cellophane...

And James Cameron, as illustrated by this stunning bit of investigative reportage, is none of these things.

Anonymous said...

...You're the Tom
You're like Shanghai noodles
You're the Tom
You're Picasso's doodles
You're the the oil that drips
From Exxon's ships
You're Cheez Whiz to me! ....

Chris Locke said...

This is so funny.