Monday, March 16, 2009

A Few Quick Letters 2

Dear athletes, 
Without sports you would just be people who do weird things on fields.

Dear toilet paper,
Sadly, when people use you to blow their nose, it's an upgrade for you.

Dear mothers,
There's a good chance your kid is not as talented as you think. 

Dear mother,
Please disregard the above statement.

Dear philosophers,
What's the point? (Don't answer that)

Dear bookmarks,
You must pray further evolution doesn't enhance man's memory of small numbers in corners.

Dear Kevin Spacey, 
Reasons I'm annoyed you didn't become an astronaut: 1. Your name. 2. Periodic breaks of you for planet earth.

Dear walk-in closet,
I've invented something called a walk-on closet, it's my bedroom floor. 

Dear eyes, 
If you really are the window to the soul, can you make sure not to let any squirrels in to my soul?

Dear glass doors, 
There's a mildly amusing saying when a person is blocking the television, "You make a better door than a window." No one realizes that this is the very question of your existence.

Dear murderers, 
Things I like about you: 
You haven't murdered me yet.

Dear Daniel Day Lewis,
Please never take a part as an Irish actor, I'm afraid your preparation for the role may create a rift in the spacetime continuum.

Dear dog, 
Saw you in the park running for no reason. Thought I'd let you know walking is much easier.
p.s. Don't lick my face next time I see you.

Dear own medicine, 
Shouldn't I want a taste of you? If you're mine that means I need you right? Other people's medicine; possibly lethal or gender changing, much worse.


Anonymous said...


love, marina

Vargas said...

art. laughter. revelation. If toilet paper writes back please post the reply.

nmce said...

So Anonymous is marina.. one mystery solved, many more to go.

Noah MC Earle

Vargas said...

Don't be so sure, Mr E. I have come across a number of anonymouses (anonymousi?) here. Some whose identities I know of and some who are truly anon. Many many many many more mysteries to go...

Jennifer said...

liked the mom one a lot...also the Kevin Spacey, heck this one is loaded with gems Tom Henry from murderers to dogs!!

Anonymous said...

I dig this blog.

Anonymous said...

You gotta lotta fans who're anonomice. What's the deal with that? I'm goin with "fear of comedy" ("laffaphobia").

tom henry said...

With jokes like laffophobia, I'm afraid you may have created a lot more laffophobics. (Just kidding, please do not stop coming here, I enjoy your invented word)

Adam said...


marlon said...

'whats the point? (don't answer that)' wins

kitty said...

love it... makes me think I should write more letters.

Awesome to know you!