Recently I've been feeling really nostalgic about the year 2004. Being only five back then, I felt it important to look back as a nine year old.
Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple, which sounds crazy, but is actually the most reasonable fruit to be named after. I propose the next fruit discovered be named Jessica. I propose the next animal discovered be named Human, just to hedge our bets.
Lord of the Rings wins a record-tying eleven Oscars, proving that movies are better than books.
Lance Armstrong wins an unprecedented sixth Tour De France, then talks about bikes alot, his friends get bored.
In Oslo armed robbers steal Munch's The Scream, sighting shitty movies as their inspiration.
The United Nations release a report blaming Sudan for crimes against humanity in Darfur, which quickly diffuses the situation.
It is announced that the Montreal Expos will relocate to Washington, four French Canadians cry, then continue growing their moustaches.
Brazil successfully launches it's first rocket into space, which is good?
North Korea bans cell phones, giving it the lowest deuche bag ratio in the world, but resulting in many failed brunch.