Monday, November 10, 2008

A Look Back at '04

Recently I've been feeling really nostalgic about the year 2004. Being only five back then, I felt it important to look back as a nine year old.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple, which sounds crazy, but is actually the most reasonable fruit to be named after. I propose the next fruit discovered be named Jessica. I propose the next animal discovered be named Human, just to hedge our bets.

Lord of the Rings wins a record-tying eleven Oscars, proving that movies are better than books.

Lance Armstrong wins an unprecedented sixth Tour De France, then talks about bikes alot, his friends get bored.

In Oslo armed robbers steal Munch's The Scream, sighting shitty movies as their inspiration.

The United Nations release a report blaming Sudan for crimes against humanity in Darfur, which quickly diffuses the situation.

It is announced that the Montreal Expos will relocate to Washington, four French Canadians cry, then continue growing their moustaches.

Brazil successfully launches it's first rocket into space, which is good?

North Korea bans cell phones, giving it the lowest deuche bag ratio in the world, but resulting in many failed brunch.


Vargas said...

Ah 2004 - the Scream, the Apple, the failed brunch - what a time we had. You inject mirth where previously there was none, your walk down memory lane is riddled with hilarity and your nostalgic ramblings are like Jessicas straight from the vine - sweet and to be savoured or possibly squashed and fermented into fine wine, to drink/read in years to come.

Big Handsome Dave said...

Dear Mr. Henry
04 was a tough year. I was crushed when the Expos went state side. Go back a decade, they could have had it all, but no, the baseball strike just ruined everything. My Canada includes the Expos and I haven't been the same since their departure, don't sleep well, maybe drinking a little too much. Mr Henry what is your take on the 1969 ruling, allowing for the Designated Hitter in the American League? I'm still miffed by it.

tom henry said...

Dear Handsome Dave,
It seems that the mid-nineties were one crushing defeat after another for you, from Pulp Fiction being deemed officially worse than Forest Gump, to the MLB conspiring against your beloved Expos. O.J.'s recent convinction must have been extra sweet for you. If only we could bring Kurt Cobain back to life.
In answer to your question, The designated hitter rule, the way I see it, was put into place to make baseball less boring, get the offence going. To me, that's kind of like trying to make fire less hot; baseball's supposed to be boring right?

Vargas said...

This is an outstanding comment section.