A philosophical conversation with Tom Henry, Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant.
SJP/HG: What is truth?
TH: One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing. -Socrates
Also, if you're laying on the ground, looking for clouds that look like things, and they all look like pieces of chewed gum, you may be facing the wrong way.
SJP/HG: What is god?
TH: I watched a Mel Gibson movie about this.
SJP/HG: We meant god in a broader sense, not Christ so much.
TH: What Women Want was about Christ?
SJP/HG: What is existence?
TH: Generally, when you exist, it involves haircuts.
SJP/ HG: How should one find meaning in life?
TH: Live everyday like tomorrow could be your last, or like they could change the calendar to make days a length that you couldn't possibly live longer than one more day.
SJP/HG: Even if you lived to be a hundred?
TH: Yes, one day would be at least a thousand present calendar years in this scenario. Every birthday card would say happy zero birthday, and when lovers called each other 'baby' it would make more sense.
SJP/HG: I see.
TH: I'm actually advocating this system, it's completely absurd that one or two guys got to decide which calendar we use.
SJP/HG: Who are you referring to?
TH: Greg or Ian.
SJP/HG: What is the universe?
TH: Some would say we're floating on a marble that's being played with in a giant game of marbles, it's that arbitrary really.
TH: Incidentally, I heard it was a sign of luxury to have a marble staircase so I put a bunch of marbles on my stairs, but the only thing that happened was that thing from Home Alone.
SJP/HG: Being What?
TH: Someone slipped.
TH: My great aunt, she perished.
SJP/HG: Oh my.
TH: It's ok, she had a very long life, she got to see all seven wonders of the world.
SJP/HG: That's an amazing and rare accomplishment.
TH: Yeah, I know, most of us saw the first six, but she had a friend who worked on the seventh one, so she got to see Voldemort die and all that.
TH: It more or less evened out for her anyway, because I payed for her to have a marble tombstone.
SJP/HG: That's a grand gesture.
TH: When you pay some kids to put marbles on a tombstone, does that count as paying for a marble tombstone?
TH: Well that's what I did, if you didn't understand the inference.
SJP/HG: What is death?
TH: The ringing in our ears, habitually tuned out, but ever present. It shows no prejudice, arriving in the heat or the cold, night or the day. It cares not for feelings of safety and security, it knows no sympathy... It's not as bad as it sounds though.
SJP/HG: How do you know?
TH: I've experienced it.
SJP/HG: You've experienced death?
TH: I thought you asked me about the film, You've Got Mail?
SJP/HG: Is there karma?
TH: Yes, you will be reincarnated as either a great eagle or a pathetic bug, so try not to be odious.
TH: Wait, I mean try not to be Odie. Try not to come back as Odie, Garfield can be very cruel.
Uggh. I'ts 2010, the year to put all the apostrophe's in the wrong spot's.
That was George Orwell's real distopic vision, that guy loved grammar.
So, it seems I've unintentionally taken a month off. My brain feels small and shrivelled, and pouring alot of water in my ear isn't helping. Here are the most funny things I've thought of in the last month -
George W. Bush - That guy was not good.
Dr. Phil - Not even a real doctor.
MC Hammer - It's Hammer time I guess.
If you know any ways to cure brain fog, lemme know. Maybe I need to take up coffee, even though I don't like hot drinks.
Woah, this is getting way too personal. I'll write something tres (very) soon. Something that will make all the Hollywood agents knock at my door and tell me everything's gonna be alright. The decade in review? I dunno, what happened this decade, the ipod?" I guess it's better than the decade where they invented the tripod.
Also, I'm saying jokes at Laugh Sabbath's Let's Get Hot! tomorrow, my favourite show as a fan of live comedy.
Don't leave me because of the month off, I'm too nice of a guy.