"Oh, the internet? Is that the number twelve that keeps flashing on my VCR?"
"Oh yeah, by the way, why is it always twelve o'clock at my house? it's twelve o'clock every second. What the?"
"The internet? What a bunch of wires!"
"Who is Jessica Simpson? Is she like Homer Simpson? Who is Homer Simpson?"
"Text message? Like a typewriter?"
"Alarm clock? I just get woken up by that terradactyl. What happened to that terradactyl?" (email me for full list of dinosaur jokes)
"Frank Sinatra was good, more good than both of those new types of music."
"What time is it? 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12. What the?"
"I'm so new and hip, oh wait, I so need a new hip."
"Geez, I can't find my spectacles. Oh they're on my head."
"I can't find my car keys, Oh they're on my head."
"Oh, my car is so old, it's one of those old timey cars."
"Look at all this medicine, I take more pills than all the dreams I have about Ava Gardner. That's alot."
"My three least favourite words? Arth. Right. Us. Wait, arth isn't a word, never mind."
"Oh, sick means good now? Ok, give me the sickest lobster you have. I want to eat a very sick lobster."
"When I was a kid if you wanted to go into space, you just went into a space."
Old Groaners, Columbia Tristar Ent. Ltd. 2009