Masterpiece (Sarcastic)

Hi everyone,

This is my newest movie (film).

Love,

tom d.

Interview: Sofia Coppola

This winter I had the oppourtunity to sit down with one of the best filmmakers, Sofia Coppola. Her new movie, Somewhere is in theaters now. It stars Dakota Fanning's sister and Andrew Dorff's brother.

Tom Henry: Hi Sofia, it's a pleasure.

Sofia Coppola: What? Sorry, what's going on?

TH: I'm here to interview you.

SC: Oh right, ok, everyone's always pulling me in so many directions.

TH: That must be hard.

SC: It is, that's why I do what I do for people.

TH: What's that?

SC: You know, I make films about the hardships of being an average American trying to get through this life.

TH: Oh, I thought you made movies about sort of priveledged people?

SC: What are you kidding me? My films are about everyone. Everybody has to wake up in the morning, wash their face, and then go to this junket and that junket, answer this question, answer that question, oh my daughter loves you, oh, you inspire me.

TH: That doesn't happen to everyone.

SC: I guess if you want to argue semantics, there are tribes somewhere in Samoa where they don't have to sign as many autographs.

TH: I feel like you're a bit out of touch from the way things really are. Perhaps you grew up in a bit of a bubble?

SC: A bubble? You have to be joking. I get out there all the time, meet people from all walks of life.

TH: I apologize, I may have leapt to judgement.

SC: You did, like just the other day I met this guy Brad, just like you or me, being followed around by paparazzi and having to smile at people who like him and all that.

TH: Brad Pitt?

SC: Oh, you know him?

TH: He's a movie star.

SC: Of course he is, everyone's a movie star.

TH: No.

SC: Oh, you're silly, of course everyone is born, they hang out for a while, then be in Godfather 3 and then they make movies or become a Sean Penn or something.

TH: If everyone's famous then who are all those people you said you have to sign autographs and answer questions for?

SC: I think it's kind of like The Matrix?

TH:...

SC: ...or Inception? Like a dream where angry parts of your subconcious are playing unfamouses.

TH: I don't understand, who fixes your toilet if it breaks then?

SC: That guy who played Joey on Friends.

TH: Ok, bad example but how do you think a society can run if everyone is a rich actor?

SC: Easy, everyone makes movies all day, then in the night they feel isolated in a famous way, so they all go to each other's movies to escape. Or, for another example, they have to go on a trip, and so John Travolta flies them there, so John Travolta gets money that day. Then John Travolta pays that money back to get into a movie. It's simple economics, man.

TH: Who farms our food?

SC: Kevin Costner I guess, baseball and food.

TH: He farms baseball?

SC: Baseball doesn't just grow itself. You must be really spoiled.

TH: Let's talk about something else.

SC: Ok, what?

TH: Are you friends with The Strokes?

SC: Everyone's friends with The Strokes.

TH: That's not possible.

SC: My next movie actually is about being friends with The Strokes. It's called Friends With The Strokes, and it's scored by me telling The Strokes to play their songs different.

TH: What happens in the movie?

SC: It's about either a normal guy or girl, who leans on the windows of vehicles a lot and then has fun but is sad.

TH: Doesn't sound really fleshed out.

SC: Oh really, then why would one of the biggest filmmakers of all time be on board to produce it?

TH: Is it Francis Ford Coppola?

SC: Is what Francis Ford Coppola?

TH: Nevermind.

SC: Anyway, it's the first installment of my trilogy that I'm calling The Blue Collar Average Joe Trilogy, it consists of; Friends With The Strokes, Harrison Ford Was A Fun Babysitter, Right Everyone? and We All Can Relate To Eighteenth Century French Royalty.

TH: I have to go.

SC: Go be in a movie?

TH: No.

SC: Go talk on the phone to someone who doesn't understand that you're lonely?

TH: No.

SC: You're a weird guy.