Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Greg Howe once stated, "If musicians are athletes, the session cats are the Olympic hopefuls." -Greg Howe

"Mention the name Greg Howe to an aficionado of contemporary electric guitar music and aural visions of smooth legato runs, wah-laden solos and funky, syncopated rhythms will run through his or her head." -Modern Guitars Magazine

"If musicians were athletes, they probably wouldn't be very good at sports." -Tom Henry

"They should have realized they weren't athletes when they were getting their asses kicked by athletes." -Tom Henry

"Listen musicians, if you want to stay home and put on your Ella Fitzgerald record, and scour your fret board for the sweetest sounding riffs, that's your own business, but stay out of my local ice rink/badminton court." -Tom Henry

Q: What's your issue with the nation's musicians?

A: Don't you get it?! they want all our fastest women and smoothest times. I just couldn't stand by any longer, call me a patriot.

Q: Have you ever took part in music?

A: Up live, or on my stereo?

Q: Either.

A: Of course not, I don't even own a stereo.

Q: And not up live?

A: Did you go to school for this? I'm finding you amateurish.

Q: I just wanted you to clarify.

A: Next question please.

Q: Do you have any message for Greg Howe?

A: Hey Howe, can it. You don't know what you're talking about.

Q: Anything else?

A: Yeah, next time you want a crescendo, I'll give you a lesson on relative loudness, using my index and middle fingers and your eyeballs.

-Tom Henry as interviewed by Modern Guitars Magazine, 2008.

Greg Howe

Tom Henry

-Photos by Greg Howe and Tom Henry's moms, respectively.

Monday, October 27, 2008

A Few Quick Letters

Dear artistc types,
Hair cuts are supposed to make you look less dumb, not more dumb.

Dear firefighters,
Your apparent lack of common sense is a gift to us all. 

Dear actors, 
The world needs you, keep up the good work.

Dear poets, 
You're not as cute as you think.

Dear god, 
If you're so good, how come no one wants to meet you? Everyone wants to meet George Clooney.

Dear George Clooney, 
Can I meet you?

Dear self,
You're so clever, I look forward to getting to know you better.

Dear fruit,
You obviously don't care about survival very much. Some kids don't like you, was that your plan?

Dear internet,
Everyone bad mouths you, but then uses you anyway. You're the annoying rich kid of planet earth.

Dear bones,
You really know how to get under my skin.

Dear jocks,
It's not that you're assholes, it's just that you're fuck heads.

Dear space aliens, 
What kind of good meat do you have? We're all a little tired of chicken. Also, what kind of vegan carrot cake replacements do you have? Our's all taste like shit. "Can you believe the icing's made of tofu?" Yes.

Dear death, 
Why so final? Loosen up a little, take 'er easy.

Dear America, 
Electing Barack Obama will only make up for Richard Gere.

Yours truly, 

Tom Henry

Monday, October 20, 2008

Hanks' & Fruit Juice

   Tom Hanks, America's favourite son, has been drinking plenty of fruit juice as he stays in the race for the White House. His actions are an immediate reaction to a new German study examining the complex relationship between fruit and man. When he heard of the study Hanks acted fast, hiring celebrity chef Bobby Flay as his personal juice coach. His biggest challenge, Flay admits has been getting him off his morning orange juice. Hanks admits to his love of the sweet Florida treat; "You can move me to a pear or guava for lunch, but I won't start the day without a tall g. of o.j."
   Once known for his blistering good looks Hanks admits he's shifted focuses; "I'd like to live forever, and if there's anything to Dr. Kleinhen's work on the taste paradox, I'd like to be in on the ground floor." Hanks admits to an alterior motive; "I'd really like my son, Colin Hanks to be as seasoned an actor as I, before I share a film screen with him, that could take a while." Hanks goes on; "Colin doesn't like fruit juice so I've been spraying it around his mouth with a super soaker, he knows I'm his dad, and if I could give him all the talent in the world, I would."
   Colin admits his father is a tough critic; "When my dad, Tom Hanks, started on to this fruit juice thing, I knew there probably was something to it, he's an actor like I'm trying to be, and I respect that. I'm just a lot more in to things like soda. I'm a kid, I like soda and potato chips." Hanks (Colin) admits when matriarchal figure and fellow actor Rita Wilson stepped in, he was intrigued. "She had been making smoothies on her new blender, and one day she walked in to the room and said look, what if we threw some fruit juice in with your favourite soda?" Colin admits he wasn't so sure; "I definitely had a good laugh, I said Rita (step-mom), I would never hear the end of it if my friends found fruit juice in my soda!"
   Tom Hanks fought back tears as he weighed in with one final admission; "Colin's a kid and we love him, but I wish he'd take acting a little more seriously. No one knows what awaits us in the great beyond, but will there be acting? This may be your one chance to act son, and I'd like you to put aye and bee together, make sure you spell the words A and B please."

Tom with first love Mimi Rogers

Tom and Colin sport scarves

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Hubble Images

-Images taken from the Hubble telescope.

Kelsey Grammer was initially understood as a nova eruption. The reason for the outburst has not been understood yet, but several theories have already been defined, such as an eruption related to stellar death processes and a merger of a binary star or planets. This image is in my list of top ten Hubble images of all time because it is so beautiful. It is simply an awesome picture.

"Kelsey Grammer ditches beard for new Frasier show" -The News

Q: I see you've ditched your beard for your new Frasier spin off.

A: I hadn't really thought of that.

Q: If you transform into a black hole, what will be the physical properties of our death?

A: I'm not quite sure of the specifics, it may very well be painless, I'm not sure if it even will count as death.

Q: Who are you voting for?

A: I wish I could vote for my old bartender on Cheers, Sam Malone, portrayed by Ted Danson.

Watch Frasier Tuesdays.

-TV Guide

click the money honey

Friday, October 10, 2008

Halifax and John

This is a two part blog.

Part 1: Halifax (A Brief Overview)

Everyone has a beard (even the women).

There's a lot of great dance parties. "It's not a big party, but it's a good party, it's kind of a dance party." -actual quote

There's a lot of dinner parties, though I refuse to call anything a party where dishes need to be done. More like a dinner with more people than usual. (and attempted witty banter)

I saw many people excitedly take pictures next to a giant anchor. Were they normally landlocked and had never seen one, or were they intrigued by the symbolism?

There's a lot of hills. Hills are like large objects, people are never happy when walking up or carrying them. There's no fairness to hills, they're hard to walk up and annoying to walk down. Escalators eliminate the politics of slope.

I saw a woman wearing camoflage pants peeing in a shrub, it was the best use of camouflage pants I ever saw. Once they come up with camouflage smell pants, there'll be no more need for shrubs.

I've met a lot of art students, none of them seem to like art very much. Is art the new math?

I put newly purchased baby powder in my hair in a Starbucks bathroom, intrigued?

Part 2: John (Jonny)

I don't usually tackle American politics, but my friend John McCain has been taking a lot of heat from the liberal media, so I'd just like to clear a few things up. Remember, we're all his friends, he says so.

When John said 'that one' he was referring to Barack Obama's chair, not the man himself. He just can't point his arm that far down, let's not punish him for that. It wasn't racist or disrespectful, he hates chairs, they make him sore.

When John addressed everyone as his fellow prisoners it wasn't a terrifying Orwellesque slip, it was a compliment. John has been venerated for being a prisoner, it's the only compliment he knows. Now you wanna get all over the man's jock for a little bit of flattery? I guess chivalry really is dead. If he ever calls you a crazy old man, you're really in his good books.

Look, I think what I'm really trying to say here is that Barack Obama is a terrorist. Let me tell you a sobering story; I once ate an Obama cupcake and it was delicious, but have you any idea what those kinds of refined sugars might do to me in the long term? Let's get real. Vote McCain.