Friday, September 26, 2008


"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."
-Charles M. Schultz

The World is large, there are many things happening today, here are a few.

A balding man looks at his receding hairline and that stresses him out, and then it recedes a little more.

An intelligent rock star watches Jeopardy really loud, then whales out answers like; “What is the eukaryotic cell!”

Paul Newman’s wife begins work on a brand of lettuce, so that they can be together forever.

A soccer player plays baseball with his feet, to practice his foot work, and to show off.

A man grows an ironic moustache, then realizes it makes his upper lip look much better, it no longer is ironic.

A pair of friends realize that tic tac toe is a stupid game.

A leaf wonders what it can do with it’s veins, so it injects heroin, then it doesn’t feel so flat.

A boy makes fun of David Blaine, then disappears forever.

A chess master’s wife leaves him for treating her like a pawn. He silently shakes his head, she doesn’t realize that the pawn’s the most important piece.

A tree gets jealous when a hippie hugs a human.

A boy whistles to a bird outside his window, it starts talking gibberish back to him.

A woman moves to a square town and becomes a real estate mogul. She thanks Monopoly for her success.

An ambitious young filmmaker makes a film about a puzzle champion that can’t put his life back together. It’s almost as good as Garden State.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Guy Named Marlon

This is my first, and probably last, blog by request. A young man, Marlon Arscott, last night sheepishly asked me if I would gain him some exposure by writing a blog about him. My first instinct was to say no, but I just couldn't let the little guy down. His only stipulation was that it not be a negative piece, needless to say, I suffered my first ever bout of writers block. (Ziiiing) Later, I would discuss the environment with two blonde friends.

   Marlon and I both grew up in the mean streets of the Bain Projects. We both still reside there in order to 'keep it real' and to enjoy the gardens. Marlon being a few years older than I, was a member of the notorious 'Bain Boys' (or as I knew them, 'the teenagers') who congregated on the rough and tumble corner of Bain and Logan (East Central) The Bain Boys would smoke, drink, eat chips, you name it.
   Later, the Bain Boys would disband and Marlon would get glasses. One day my sister informed me that she had worked with him (selling diapers, I assume) and he was a cool guy.* I said; "What, that gang banger?" But, apparently, the glasses had changed him, Marlon now enjoyed music, film and had learnt to laugh. Marlon never talks about those dark days anymore, and no one dare ask. He now belongs to Toronto's blooming improv comedy scene, if you see him around, ask him to pretend to be an animal of some sort.

*My sister also thinks Brendan Fraser is cool.

Here are a few other things I know about Marlon:

He likes polka dots.

His favourite movies are Wall-E, and this film that's like City of God, only better.

He's been to Vancouver, Paris and Barcelona.

He has some attractive friends.

He enjoys television, and sometimes sells air conditioners.

I imagine he's ok at dancing.

He doesn't like to smoke cigars, if he's got to kiss girls later.

That's about it, If anyone wants Marlon's phone number, I don't have it, but I could probably get it for you.

Marlon and the ever intimidating Bain Boys, Marlon is the one with someones arm around him.

Marlon (top left) with his improv troupe. So many funny faces at once.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


I recently was interviewed by Annie Liebowitz. Here it is ---

The first time I met Tom Henry, I was at one of Bridget Fonda's famous red rover parties. Tom opted not to play, instead he sat in the corner waxing poetic with the catering, his eyes fiery and nostrils flaring he acted out his fondest memories of an episode of Frasier he had recently caught. Once I had worked up the courage to talk to him, he had left. Fonda (Bridget) would later tell me of her first meeting with Tom Henry. They were introduced by a mutual friend in a park.
Seven years later I approached him about doing a series of interviews, he agreed to one, this is that one.

Annie Liebowitz: I'm a great fan of yours.

Tom Henry: And yours, I am of you. You take beautiful pictures.

AL: What do you think is the difference between what I do and what you do?

TH: Nothing, there's no difference.

AL: Care to elaborate?

TH The words are escaping me right now.

AL: Is that a play on words?

TH: I suppose it's a personification of some sort.

AL: When was your last haircut?

TH: As a visual person, you know the importance of a fresh lid switch. About three or four months ago.

AL: I thought you said it was important?

TH: It's equally important in absence.

AL: You used to garden as a job, what's your favourite gardening tool?

TH: Rake.

AL: Haha!

TH: No Annie, that's not just a joke. Rakes have a beauty to them because they remove the unwanted without too much harming the wanted, and I think that's what I do in a lot of ways.

AL: That's true isn't it?

TH: Yes.

AL: What inspires you?

TH: Inspiration itself is inspiring.

AL: What else?

TH: My kids when they wake up in the morning.

AL: I didn't know you had children.

TH: Well, they're adopted.

AL: So, not really.

TH: Right.

AL: What's the last movie you truly appreciated?

TH: Do you mean film?

AL: Yes.

TH: Have you seen the Cheers film?

AL: No, I've never heard of it.

TH: It's a cult classic

AL: Wh...

TH: At least in my cult, we really enjoy it.

AL: Will you ever consider posing for me?

TH: If you use digital, I won't, also if you use film, I won't.

AL: Is that a no?

TH: Don't try and draw me and call it a photo.

AL: Tom Henry, thanks for your time.

TH: In buddhism, there are no goodbyes, but I'm not buddhist, how 'bout a hug.


by Annie Liebowitz 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

Too Many Ritz

I haven't posted in about a week, CTV is showing Desparate Housewives from the beginning. This is a video of my brother eating soup, it's somewhat grotesque. It's not meant to be in widescreen that was a mistake. I'm putting some writing up probably by tomorrow.

Friday, September 5, 2008

NYC (Excerpt 2)

As many of you know, I live in New York two weeks out of the year (I'm actually just visiting Toronto right now) and I'm really inspired by her (New York). So, last fall I set out to write a truly authentic New York novel, because I don't think anyone has really portrayed what it's really like to be there, and I felt that I needed to share that. It's called 'The Real New York, A Love Letter' and this excerpt is also being published in The New Yorker. Enjoy

Manhattan was a great bustling metropolis, the streets were alive in the lower east side that day. The rats skittered into the sewers which probably led to an L train. The air was thick as it drifted down from the Bowery, where the punks and skids were riding on skateboards. Today I had to take a New York transit authority bus up to Columbus ave. Oh, how I dreaded the upper west side and their pretention. I thought to myself, I'd much rather be in SOHO, buying neat sunglasses and things, but I had to meet Jenny who was working for Donald Trump that summer.
Jenny was a true Brooklynite. I met her thrift shopping on Bedford (which is in Williamsburgh (which is in Brooklyn)) She told me all about how her dad used to take her to a New York Knicks game or for Chinese food, in the Chinatown area. She was one tough babe, she had even been to Harlem to catch some jazz music, and her legs were one tall drink of water. Petey was her brother he was always up for a good game of stickball over in Hell's Kitchen. I was eating a street hot dog...

-The Real New York, A Love Letter by Tom Henry

Monday, September 1, 2008


As I prepare to turn twenty-three years of age, I can think of only one man, number 23, Michael Jordan. It seemed only right that I create a mash-up version of our Wikipedia biography to highlight our similarities and achievements. Wikipedia has rejected it, and if you're interested in righting this wrong, I'll be sending out a petition, which also denounces Barack Obama as a legitimate candidate for president.

Michael Jeffrey Jordan (born February 17, 1963) is a retired American professional basketball player and active businessman. Thomas Dean Henry (born September 3, 1985) is a young man and is active in some ways in a relative sort of way. Both men have three first names as many substitute teachers have quipped. Jordan’s biography on the National Basketball Association (NBA) website states, "By acclamation, Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time."[1] Henry, also by acclamation is “mediocre at an above average amount of things.” Jordan was one of the most effectively marketed athletes of his generation, and was instrumental in popularizing the NBA around the world in the 1980s and 1990s. Henry enjoys thinking about the world and is a proud member of his generation. He often has been known to think; “What is this all about?”
After a stand-out career at the University of North Carolina, Jordan joined the NBA's Chicago Bulls in 1984. He quickly emerged as one of the stars of the league, entertaining crowds with his prolific scoring. After having a class chic named after him in grade two, Henry often wore a pair of Chicago Bulls sweat pants and was pretty good at spelling. Jordan’s leaping ability, illustrated by performing slam dunks from the free throw line at Slam Dunk Contests, earned him the nicknames "Air Jordan" and "His Airness". By virtue that his name starts with a T, Henry has earned the nicknames “T” and “T-Bone”, he likes to call himself “Big Guy” (endearingly). Jordan also gained a reputation as one of the best defensive players in basketball. In 1991, he won his first NBA championship with the Bulls, and followed that achievement with titles in 1992 and 1993, securing a "three-peat". Henry likes beef patties. Though Jordan abruptly left the NBA at the beginning of the 1993-94 NBA season to pursue a career in baseball, he rejoined the Bulls in 1995 and led them to three additional championships (1996, 1997, and 1998) as well as an NBA-record 72 regular-season wins in the 1995–96 season. Jordan retired for a second time in 1999, but he returned for two more NBA seasons in 2001 as a member of the Washington Wizards. Henry once returned to a high school he had left, but they told him he was in too many different grades at once. They could not accommodate him, he cried on the way home. He’d like to tell ms. Dewich that maybe she ate too many cakes at once.